You know you love their candies, whether it be of the classic hard variety, the underrated chew, or the deliciously sexy gummy. That said, when Jolly Rancher comes up with a soda, you better believe expectations are high (especially with this guy), and the taste definitely does not disappoint in the slightest. The four flavors of Jolly Rancher Soda (as far as I know) include Watermelon, Cherry, Green Apple, and Blue Raspberry, which luckily for you, are already in order of best to worst! One way to remember the order is the lighter the formula, the higher it is on the Kill Chris H! tasting scale. But if you still have trouble remembering, they are in reverse alphabetical order as well (if you disregard the Cherry) to help you remember even further! Here’s my individual reviews, in order of discovery.
Blue Raspberry: Again, my love for Big Lots grows despite their lack of plastic bags (10 cents for paper) and complicated checkout lines (if you stand around long enough with a confused look on your face, someone will eventually crack and decide to help you, this is only of concern however when there isn’t already a line established). Despite these concerns, what you find in that store is by all means worth any confusion. Blue Raspberry was the first of the Jolly Rancher sodas that I tried back in the Fall, toward the end of the plastic bag era. This is the flavor I was least familiar with in terms of the candy versions, so it’s difficult to say whether the soda lives up to it. It’s definitely the sweetest of the four flavors so that is the right choice to make if that’s what you’re into. I personally wasn’t as into it as the other choices and since blue raspberries exist only in theory, it ranks fourth out of the four varieties.
Green Apple: After only seeing the Blue Raspberry flavor on a previous visit, my excitement after seeing Green Apple was that of I guess what you normal people would understand as the feeling of “finishing.” It seemed as if the lone Green Apple bottle was lost in the midst of the several Blue Raspberries surrounding it. It was just begging to be bought, by me, and it was. Jesus put it there for a reason. Unlike Blue Raspberry, Green Apple was the flavor I was most familiar with and a childhood favorite not only in terms of Jolly, but in candy altogether. This one happens to be spot on with the original candy flavor and lived up to my expectations. I was fairly positive this was going to be my favorite until…
Cherry: If you thought I was excited to see Green Apple, you can bet your tush my nips practically popped out of my shirt when I found Cherry and Watermelon sitting there on the shelves. Cherry is the flavor I chose to taste first when I got home and almost immediately I had a new favorite. If Green Apple felt more like drinking a candy than a legit beverage, this one toed the line and felt a bit like both. Cherry more so than the other flavors tends to get featured more in terms of drinks so this didn’t really feel as gimmicky than you may expect from a candy themed soda. This flavor only lasted a few minutes as my favorite due to…
Watermelon: Rarely does watermelon get a chance to shine when it comes to beverages, but Jolly Rancher tries to change that and according to this guy, it totally works. This one is also true to the candy as the others have been and perhaps even more so than the others, which is a great thing for us who enjoy the candy version. But this doesn’t mean those who are unfamiliar won’t love it. I think its worth a try to experience one of the most unconventional of sodas in general and the most unconventional of the four reviewed today. Each one liter bottle was only one dollar [at Big Lots] and I even saw chilled 20 ounce versions at a local liquor store [price, unknown].
For those curious, the sugar content of these soda varieties (per eight ounces) ranges from 29 to 31 grams. I’ve found that the best way to enjoy soda (or any other drink really) is to fill up an empty water bottle with water about one third of the way, freeze it, then pour the desired liquid into the bottle of ice. The soda will dilute as the ice melts while keeping itself cold. Or you can use more conventional routes (cup/ice), my point is to not drink it straight because pretty much all sodas tend to be really sweet and loaded with sugar. So dilute it a little and you’ll both last longer :] You have beautiful cheeks.
