Mermaids are among the oldest legendary creatures in the world; popping up in almost as many different cultures as the legends of vampires, werewolves and Katie Couric. Mermaids have long been a go-to figure for stories of star-crossed lovers; falling in love with a mermaid cannot help but end badly unless magic or extreme surgery is involved. One of the earliest known stories about a real mermaid allegedly being fished out of the ocean takes place in, of all places, Ireland. The story dates back to at least the middle of the sixth century and involves a young lass named Liban who was the sole survivor of a flood. Miraculously, she found a way to live beneath the water and after a year transformed into a little mermaid.
Just like my own favorite mermaid of all time, Ariel, this little mermaid was also blessed with a beautiful voice. Unfortunately, her singing was what revealed her existence to those lazy, drunken, Bono-loving Irishmen above who captured her, rechristened her Murgen and put her on display. Christening in this case is not merely me being synonymous; Murgen was actually baptized and after death she canonized as St. Murgen. It is said that more than a few miracles have been attributed to the little mermaid who became a dead saint.
Of course, when one thinks about little mermaids, one cannot help but think of the Philistines and Babylon. Mermaids legends and myths actually do date all the way back to Goliath and his friends in the form of Babylonian worship of gods with fish tails. Later, mermaid-type creatures would appear on currency minted by the Phoenicians and Corinthians. As if that weren’t enough, it was also believed that part of the Greatness of Alexander was his ability to somehow engage in sexual congress with mermaids. If that is true, I have to agree Alexander truly is deserving of being called Great. Or else he’s as weird as Troy McClure. Maybe a little from column A and a little from column B.
But let us travel back north, won’t you. Ireland and Scotland…is there really any difference? Of course, there isn’t. Anyhoo, the Scots-they really, really hate to be called the Scotch-had their own mermaid to worship. The Scotch version of the story goes that there was a tremendously beautiful mermaid who lived on the Holy Island of Iona where she was visited daily by a saint. It is said that this mermaid was in love with the saint-pretty decent advertising for becoming a saint, yes-and that, furthermore, she desired his soul. Because, you see, apparently little mermaids are kind of like old, ugly vampires in that they lack a soul. Being a saint, he extended an offer that was essentially as cruel as Ursula’s temptation of Ariel: the mermaid could have the saint’s soul-assuming it existed-if she would renounce the sea. Now, what the sea has to do with soul possession only a Scottish saint might be able to tell you, but there it is. Long story short: the mermaid flipped her tail at the offer and dived back beneath the water. The only evidence that this story is authentic are the tiny little pebbles on the shore of the island; they were formed by the tears of the mermaid.
Perhaps not surprisingly, mermaid legends often end badly. Mermaids are very often lonely creatures who have the ability to temporarily take human form to engage in a night of fun. Very often, however, these indulgences into the world of humanity result in indulging a specific human, male to be exact, who partakes of the mermaid’s magic cap that disallows them to return from whence they came. Comedy does not ensue. Other mermaid stories involve the kind of marriage that would no doubt raise the hackles of the Religious Right to such a degree that even Hillary Clinton wouldn’t openly come out in opposition the Constitutional ban. Unfortunately, interspecies marriages involving mermaids have rarely worked out in folklore as well as they do in Disney films. And yet, if you search hard enough, even today it is possible to find some people along the rocky shoreline of coastal Scotland and England who will claim in all seriousness to have mermaid ancestry.
But nothing beats the French. During the Dark Ages, many well-to-do French families seeking to reap the benefits involved in tying their lineage to a mermaid, secretly corrupted their official papers. Those attempting to do so had as their aim getting an ancestral connection to Melusine, the wife of Raymonde, who was a relative of the Count of Poitiers. This story may have been the inspiration for the movie Splash. One of the conditions that Melusine put forth before agreeing to enter into marriage with Raymonde was that he not interrupt her during her Saturday Melusine time. The marriage survived this questionable condition for years until gossip got the better of Raymonde and he peeked through the keyhole into the bathroom where he saw his wife Melusine sitting in a tub, her fish tail partially visible. Upon this intrusion into her quiet time, Melusine fell into a pit of despair and fled through a window. (Apparently, she could go back and forth between tail and legs whenever she wanted.) She never returned except at night to give milk to her young. Now, why the French aristocrats of the Middle Ages were eager to make it seem as though they were the ancestors of those children remains a mystery, but then again why the French allow their children to drink wine is a bit of a noodle-scratcher as well.
