If you are not familiar with the Meyers-Briggs definition of personality, the term introvert might mean “shy” , “unsocial” or even “unfriendly” to you. The word “loner” or “withdrawn” often has negative connotations as well.
Today I am speaking as an introvert who has tried for years to keep this trait under wraps. I am finally coming out of the closet. My name is Marsha, and I’m an introvert. This surprises a lot of people because I am very social, talk a lot, and enjoy my friends.
As defined by Meyers-Briggs, an introvert is someone who recharges by being alone. When you are overstressed, overtired, and want to pull your hair out, do you curl up with a good book or the remote control? Or do you grab the phone and find someone to go shopping, dancing, or dining with? If the first answer sounded more like what you would do, you are probably an introvert.
And that is okay. If you are an introvert, and you have heard all your life that you are too quiet; too selfish; withdrawn; lone wolf; loner; unfriendly; shy; or some of the other adjectives that get applied to introverts by well-meaning extroverted friends and family, you may be feeling like the Una-Bomber or some other serial murderer. The truth is, introverts are just as friendly, helpful, and socially aware as anyone. We just prefer to mix in smaller circles; and to unwind alone.
If you are an extrovert and you are living with an introvert, then you need to read this article before you write your introvert off as cold, unfeeling, and uncaring. Under the restrained exterior, introverts usually have a depth of feeling missing in the more social extroverts.
In our world, successful people are usually extroverts. We as a society seem to value the gift of gab over the gift of meditation. Our politicians and other leaders are required to be masters of the soundbite and hearty handshake. An Abraham Lincoln or Calvin Coolidge (both of them introspective, quiet people) wouldn’t even get nominated today, let alone elected.
Here are some facts about introverts that you might want to remind yourself of when you wonder why they aren’t speaking:
Introverts hate repeating themselves.
Introverts think long and hard before talking.
Introverts are trying to be polite by listening to you, even though it’s torture.
Silence to an introvert is what oxygen is to mammals.
Introverts don’t think out loud, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t thinking.
Introverts aren’t sick, or mad, or bored. They are just quiet sometimes.
It has been said that introverts are “a minority in the general population, and a majority in the gifted population.” Think of Emily Dickinson, the poet who didn’t leave her house for years. Or Sartre who famously said ” Hell is other people.” It is suspected that a lot of actors are truly introverts. Many introverts can relate to this, as when they are in public, they often feel as though they are playing a part. Of course, we can never know for sure who is an introvert, because they aren’t talking about themselves.
Even introverts misunderstand each other sometimes. I said earlier that I am an introvert; that is because I need a few hours alone each day, but in between times I like to talk and I like to visit friends. My husband is also an introvert, and for him that means that he thinks three times as much as he says; he prefers not to visit people he doesn’t already know; and he doesn’t discuss his decisions to death the way some of us, ahem, do.
If you have an introvert in your life, and want to respect him or her, try being quiet sometimes. And don’t ask “What are you thinking about?” every time there is a pause. Your introvert will thank you…quietly.
