Tom Brady and actress Bridget Moynahan recently got around to naming their newborn son, John Edward Thomas Moynahan. It is now only a matter of time before college recruiters begin to take notice of the child. Sure, that may sound absurd, but the amount of effort and time that goes into college recruiting always seemed absurd to me. So with that thought in mind, I looked into my crystal ball to sneak a peak at how that recruiting might go. Here’s what I saw.
Though school officials at Michigan will neither confirm nor deny the rumor, sources close to the football team say that Michigan will be extending a formal scholarship offer to John Edward Thomas Moynahan, the son of Patriot quarterback Tom Brady, in the near future. Look, recruiting gets tougher every year, and there is a possibility we could be looking at the next Peyton Manning, or Jack Elway,” said a former NFL scout who did not wish to go on record. John Edward Thomas Moynahan, born in August of 2007 to actress Bridget Moynahan and Tom Brady, would be the youngest recruit in the history of the Michigan football program. But prompted by a recent shocking loss to a Division 1A school, officials at the school have decided to pull the trigger on the offer. This is no gimmick, I can assure you,” said a school official close to the football program, “Of course, you don’t know which way this will go. Bridget and Tom are not married, and Bridget might have a different path for the child to follow. I heard the name Julliard being tossed around, but we had to get in the game, you know?” Records show that Michigan officials have made calls to top genetics experts in the country in an effort to pin point the possibilities that Brady’s son will inherit some of the same abilities as his father. “Frankly we would be a lot less worried if Tom Brady has an arm like JaMarcus Russell or speed like a dog abuser who shall remain nameless,” said our source at Michigan. “Brady has intangibles and those are harder to measure. By law, we would need parental consent to administer an IQ test, so our job becomes that much harder.”
Most other schools we contacted for this article have said that school policy discourages any recruiting activity before Pre-K. Officials at Ohio State have said that, “Unlike Michigan, our school respects a child’s formative years, and we do not like to speculate on recruits before Middle School.” On a related side note, the Upper Deck Co. is considering issuing a “Future Stars” subset in their 2008 1st Edition Football Series of cards that would feature the little tyke. An unconfirmed spokesman for Upper Deck expressed how hard it is to compete with rival Topps on being the first card company to issue a “rookie card” of an up and coming prospect. “We always strive to be the first to market,” he said. When asked about his son’s future, Tom Brady is alleged to have said, “You are going to have to discuss it with Bridget, right now I am concentrating on the up coming season.” When pressed on the issue, Brady is said to have added, “Look, I plan to toss the football with him of course, and I would love for him to attend Michigan, but the decision of whether he plays or not will be up to him. I am not going to be one of those dads.”
