Perhaps one of the most often overlooked aspects of daily life is that of proper correspondence, and thank you letters rank at the top of the proverbial pile. I have spoken with many people over the years who often tell me that they should write thank you letters, that they mean to write thank you letters, but they don’t actually know how to write them. Having been raised in a household where my parents put thank you note cards in our Christmas stockings, I am always surprised to hear this, that others find it difficult to actually sit down and put pen to paper in what is one of the simplest yet thoughtful ways to express one’s thanks and appreciation.
Writing a proper thank you letter is not just a skill but, in my opinion, an art form. It is the way in which we offer our gratitude in a lasting and thoughtful way, and I myself love getting a real piece of mail in my mailbox, thanking me for a gesture or gift. Thank you letters should not be viewed as a burden but rather as an opportunity to let another person know that what he or she did is appreciated. An e-mail or phone call, while better than nothing, simply do not convey this message. No, a hand-written note of thanks will never go out of style and is always a class-act. The following are five points to remember as you sit down at your desk, pen in hand and paper secured, and write out an official note of thanks.
1. The Right Start
Before you actually begin writing, you should start off your thank you note with the proper paper. A thank you note should be written on personalized stationary. I know, you’re rolling your eyes and thinking me very outdated, but this is precisely what personalized stationary is for. I myself think such stationary is well worth the investment in price, and there are varying options and price points to fit nearly any budget. If you are absolutely opposed, however, to the idea of personalized stationary, or if it’s just not within your budget, you need to stick to anonymous stationary for a thank you note. By that I mean your note card should not say Thank You emblazoned across the front of it, with a cheesy little side note on the inside saying something like: your kindness means so much. As ubiquitous as these cards are (even Crane’s stationary makes them), they’re tacky. What they say is that you so rarely write out personal correspondence that you don’t have your own note cards and have to run out to the store twice a year in order to get it into the mail. So, if you don’t want to purchase personalized stationary, buy a box of note cards that you like and use those. Make sure they are blank on the inside. Or, better yet, find a note card pattern and print that you love and buy those every time. People will come to know this style as your signature note card, and you don’t have to go to the bother of having cards printed with your family name.
2. Flex Your Muscles
Thank you notes should be handwritten. My husband bristles at this, because he hasn’t written by hand for years and his cursive handwriting is, basically, a disaster. I insist, however, that he write the notes himself. He used to balk at this, and he felt I was entirely too uptight about the whole notion of thank you notes in general until we moved to Washington DC. There, we entertained and were guests ourselves on many occasions, and the thank you cards began rolling in. I think what made the biggest impression on my husband was when an Army general sent us a handwritten thank you note on his own personalized stationary. After that, my husband no longer balked and was quietly glad he’d married a woman who still believed in the art of the thank you card. The point is, even men need to write handwritten thank you notes. You don’t type them out and then tuck a piece of computer paper into an envelope. Also, the envelopes also need to be handwritten. The envelope is the first part of our thank you letter, the first thing the recipient sees. You don’t want to seem impersonal, sending the letter out with a computer-generated label. And seeing one’s name scrawled in chicken scratch isn’t especially appealing either. Take time to write neatly and legibly, and be sure to do it by hand. And leave off those pre-printed address labels. All of it should be written out.
3. Be Specific
When writing a thank you note, one of the biggest mistakes people make is that they don’t offer specific thanks. Generic notes feel, well, generic. If, for example, someone attended your wedding and gave you a crystal vase, you need to mention the vase and write about why you especially like this gift. Let me give you an example. Instead of writing this: Thank you for your gift. I’m sure we’ll enjoy it – you should instead write the following: Thank you for attending our wedding and helping us to celebrate our big day. We enjoyed seeing you there and being able to chat a bit. And the crystal vase is lovely. I have already put it on display in the dining room, where it catches the morning light. I can’t wait to use it for a dinner party. Thank you for thinking of us and for your thoughtfulness. The second version is much more personal and lets the recipient know what you like about the gift and how you plan to use it. If you are thanking someone for hosting you over a weekend, mention how much you enjoyed the guest room or the dinner party they threw in your honor. In short, make it personal. A generic thank you letter is only one notch above none at all.
4. Timing Is Everything
While I agree, thank you cards should be written within days of an event, I am going to argue here that they need to written even if they’re late. I know so many people who got behind on thank you cards, and then they argue that too much time has passed and what’s the point? Well, the point is to offer your thanks, and that can be done at any time. I once received a thank you note a year after a couple’s wedding, and it was so lovely and sweet that I didn’t mind a bit that it was late. I was happy to receive it and to know they were enjoying their gift. I myself often get behind in notes, but I try to always write them. If you do find yourself behind, try to think of an updated reason for writing at that moment. If, for example, they gave you a sweater, you can write and say that you just wore it that morning, now that the weather has turned cold, and you just adore it. This lets them know you were thinking of them just that moment and sat down to write a note. That means something. So, even if time has passed, remember that offering thanks is never, ever outdated.
5. No Sappy Tear-Jerkers
I have received many thank you letters over the years, and occasionally I’ll get one that is so over the top that it feels a bit sickly. The person will go on and on about a book I sent her for her birthday, as if the book alone might give meaning to her life. As much as a note should be personal and unique, it shouldn’t be melodramatic. It is, after all, just a book. And if it’s more than that, that’s fine. Feel free to express profound thanks, but make certain that you level of thanks matches the gift or act that inspired it. If someone took care of your grandfather every day for two years while he battled cancer, that note is obviously going to merit more feeling that, say, a birthday dinner at TGI Fridays. My point is, it’s a thank you, not a blood bond. Keeping it light-hearted and fun usually works best in most situations. There’s not need to go overboard.
A thank you note need not be a stressful event, one that you dread or feel is a burden. Rather, a thank you letter is an opportunity to put down in writing your feelings of gratitude for someone’s thoughtfulness or kindness. They can be written for gifts, when someone attends a big event in your life, when someone has hosted your or if another person has shown you particular kindness. I enjoy writing them, and by following the guidelines above, I find it to be a pleasurable task that means as much to me as it hopefully does to the person on the receiving end. Good luck and get writing.
