Your teenager suddenly starts getting moody, does this mean he or she is bi-polar? It’s hard to say because a bi-polar disorder is not something you can physically test for. The sad fact is, a diagnosis of bi-polar disorder is nothing more than a opinion given by a mental health professional. It’s the same with attention defect disorders or schizophrenia or depression. Almost all mental disorders are more opinion than fact, which leads to difficulties when parents are faced with a child that seems to be having some problems.
As someone who has been diagnosed as bi-polar and has known many other people that have likewise been diagnosed, I cannot in all honesty tell you whether your child has the disorder. The best I can do is offer some guidelines that you may not find anywhere else.
Mood swings. This is obviously the first sign that something is amiss, but it definitely isn’t a means for making a diagnosis. Mood swings are very common in teenagers, so, what separates the kind of mood swings that are considered normal from those of someone that is bi-polar? In some instances, there is very little difference, especially if the mood swings a person is experiencing have a root cause that is not biologically based. For example, virtually all children who are or have been abused develop wide mood swings. So do children who experience other emotional trauma, such as the death of a loved one or the break-up of a family. Also, there are some children who go through phases of abnormal hormone development who also display wide mood swings. Mood swings are just one of the signs of bi-polar disorder. It’s best to rule out other things if possible, otherwise you might be mistakenly sticking your child with a label that is hard to remove.
Self destructive behavior. As with mood swings, there are a lot of behaviors that we consider destructive as it applies to the teen years. Driving too fast, taking drugs, having sex, hanging out with scary friends. Suicide attempts. Clearly it would be impossible to make a diagnosis of a bi-polar disorder based only on a child’s destructive or anti-social behavior. Also, there are some children that don’t resort to self destructive behavior that are diagnosed with a bi-polar disorder. It all depends on the child, the home environment and other extenuating factors.
Pulling away. Another less well known symptom of a bi-polar disorder is a pulling away from others and in so doing, becoming more immersed in oneself. This does not necessarily mean becoming a loner, though many people with bi-polar disorder become so, it means that even though they might have friends or acquaintances, they tend to feel like they are alone or lonely even when with them. This commonly holds true for family as well, depending on how close the family may be.
The feeling of an inability to feel whole. Quite often, someone who is bi-polar will describe a feeling of having a hole inside them that they cannot fill. It is as if something is missing inside. Something emotional. Something they may have once felt or knew in their hearts they should feel, but don’t. Or can’t. Along with this feeling is a strong desire to fill that hole. It is this desire that quite often leads to outlandish or destructive behavior as the person seeks to fill that hole.
Lack of empathy for others. Another symptom of a bi-polar disorder is a general inability to feel the pain or frustration of others. Some may call it a lack of conscience, others a have less complimentary names for it. While it may or may not be true that the person with the disorder feels any empathy or guilt as a result of their actions, what matters is the symptom if you are a parent trying to figure out what is going on with your child. As with other symptoms, there are a lot of other reasons a child might not show any concern for other’s feelings.
One thing you might keep in mind. If you child is suffering from a bi-polar disorder, they are indeed suffering. While they might seem happy or even euphoric when acting out in ways that disturb you, while in a manic phase, the pain they feel when depressed is unlike that of ordinary depression. It is a tearing, ripping, almost unimaginable emotional trauma that can devastate even the strongest of people.
Every child is different, just as is every adult. If you suspect your child might be bi-polar consider all of their actions a whole. Generally just one symptom such as moodiness isn’t enough. There has to be a broad spectrum, such as mood swings that seem higher and lower than your average teenager and self destructive behavior that seems beyond the control of your child. Or, an inability to be calm and even for any length of time, especially when there is something important on the line for the teen themselves, such as an event they’ve been looking forward to.
It’s important too that you get your child’s opinion. Do they see themselves as strange or different? Do they think there’s something wrong with them? Do they seem to be reaching out for help? Do they describe themselves as miserable?
The purpose of this article is to help those who think their child might be bi-polar. It is nothing more than a set of guidelines. If after reading this article you find yourself nodding than you might want to do some more research. My experience has been that it’s usually best if you and your child come to some sort of consensus before visiting a mental health professional. Unless you are extremely lucky, a diagnosis will be made and mediations prescribed before there is any real chance the psychiatrist has given the proper attention to your child’s situation.
For your sake, and your child’s, I hope there is no diagnosis. I wouldn’t wish a bi-polar condition on even my worst enemies. Maybe it’s just something they’ll grow out of. Good luck.
