Are you in a relationship with a nagging, controlling woman? Are you tired of being harassed by your men friends about being what we used to call ‘hen-pecked’ or the more modern term ‘p— whipped’? Do you feel trapped and out of control? Here are some tips those of you out there nodding your heads (or hanging them in shame); here’s how to get the ball back in your court and stop getting the short end of every stick. Being a women myself, I am hoping that this article will have more relevance to the guys out there who feel dominated by their women. Being also a former dominatrix myself, I know what I’m talking about.
First, accept the fact that while women, like any other human beings, do not want to be subjugated and trod upon, neither do emotionally healthy women want to run the whole show in a relationship. The whole idea of relationship is bonding and sharing. If our man would rather stare at a computer screen all day and have no interaction or responsibility, we are almost forced to step up to the plate and make the decisions. So that’s your first exercise: Ask yourself, Have I drooped the ball in any area of the relationship? If you want the ball in your court, you have to play it. You can’t have the power without responsibility.
Second, you have to like yourself and be confident. If you can’t like and believe in yourself, no one else can. And not only that you will rebuff their efforts in constantly seeking approval. Both parties have to stand on their own feet in a relationship and not expect to be carried emotionally. Even if you don’t feel confident, fake it till you make it. (old Al-Anon slogan). Exercise Two: Work on self-esteem.
Third: talk with her. Don’t play the ‘guess what I’m thinking, guess what I need’ game; tell her you how you feel. Don’t tell her how she ‘makes’ you feel. Own your feelings; they aren’t right or wrong, but they are your feelings. Make I statements, not “you’ statements which are blame/shame oriented. Be sure to distinguish between thoughts and feelings. A statement like, ‘I feel that you are controlling.’ is wrong on both accounts. First you don’t ‘feel that…’ , you ‘think that…’; Second, this is a shame/blame ‘you’ statement distinguished as an ‘I’ statement. Exercise Three: Learn to discuss.
Fourth: tolerate no belittling or bullying. If you are being bullied or belittled by your lady, don’t accept it. Eleanor Roosevelt once said, ‘No one can make you feel badly about yourself without your permission.’ Don’t give permission.Obviously, you cannot not use these tactics yourself. If you experience any of these do not retaliate; not because it is ‘bad’ or ‘wrong’, but because it is counter productive. If you regularly engage in verbally hurting each other, you are not being dominated. Exercise four If you both trash talk each other, be the change you want to see in others. If this is your sweetheart modus operandi, she is not healthy and needs professional help; you have to confront the problem.
