It was summer, school was out and it was time to hang out with friends. I could see the fear in her eyes as we sat on the end of another friend’s car.
“Girl, we can take him” was my response to seeing my friend being snatched and verbally chastised by her boyfriend.
“No. It’s all right. He just acting like a fool.”
Yeah, the summer of 1980 was the beginning of teenage foolishness and the end of innocence.
Hearing the tremble in her voice and seeing the fear in her eyes, I diverted my attention to him. There was something about him I didn’t like. I voiced my opinion to my friend but she had that 14 year old puppy love thing going on so my words fell on deaf ears. I let her know that if he did something to her we could tell someone. She just smiled and said “It’s all right. Damn!”
Years after that incident while reminiscing with that friend, she owned up to having been beaten for many years by that boy and it all started that summer.
For the life of me I couldn’t understand why I could see evil when I looked at him and she saw love. I have never had a man hit me. I can’t even remember getting a spanking from my dad. And Lord knows I did enough to warrant at least one! Burning down the bathroom comes to mind. My brother punching me in the nose as we played through the house doesn’t count. Oh yeah. It hurt. But that doesn’t count. My brother’s intent was not to harm me. How do I know this? The same way I could look into the eyes of that young man that summer and see sheer evil; looking in my brothers eyes I saw competition and him wanting to be the WWF living room champ.
I’m not sure if I’m just intuitive or if I gained some sort of sensitivity from the verbal abuse my mother dealt with. Studying my father’s body language as he yelled, belittled and demeaned my mom is probably the source from where my intuition grew. That coupled with many classes on communications along with numerous psychology courses. For the record, I have no knowledge of my dad ever hitting my mom. But abuse is abuse.
Everyone, thankfully, has not had the life experiences I’ve had. I am just as thankful not knowing:
– The torture of having a supposed loved one pouring gasoline on me and then setting me on fire while I’m pregnant (Crystal Wright of Augusta, GA/abuser-boyfriend and father of her children Sep 2007)
http://www.wjbf.com/midatlantic/jbf/news_index.apx.-content-articles-JBF-2007-09-06-0006.html
– Having a mate shoot me, two of my kids, then traumatize my other two kids by binding and gagging them and leaving them in a closet (30 year old Chare Agnew of Pleasant Grove, TX/attacker-husband Sep 2007)
http://www.star-telegram.com/news/story/238099.html
– Having a mate crazy enough to abuse me in front of our children and have one of my kids film the abuse (42 year Susan Still of upstate New York/abuser Ulner Lee Still husband of 17 years, sentenced to 36 years in 2004)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jGcAzX9E3qU
In reading interviews and seeing news stories on these women all either they or someone close to them realized that the abuse started early in the relationships. They saw something in the abuser that changed; “subtle, yet noticeable changes.”
If you are not intuitive or do not have a friend to point out those scary people to you, or just want to hone your skills of perception; maybe you should attend a seminar on Personal Situational Awareness.
Hosted by Fort Worth police Officer Rick Benson and Detective Michel Carroll, Personal Situational Awareness is a program that outlines ways to reduce your risk of becoming a target of a violent, personal assault.
Although the program’s target audience is women, men are encouraged to come and bring their daughters and sons. Girls learn how to be treated by men, and boys learn how to treat women from their dads. If you are a dad who is concerned for your children’s well being and personal development, you are very welcome to attend this program.
I spoke with a male friend of mine who is recently divorced. I asked if he saw benefit in a father bringing his daughter to a program like this. He responded by saying,
“I would bring my son too! I’m not a perfect man and my kids once saw me and my wife get into a heated argument one night. I apologized to her and them. I need my son’s to know that it’s not okay to yell and scream at a woman and to NEVER put their hands on a woman in anger. And it would break my heart to know my baby girl was going through something like that. So I can see where my son and daughter could benefit.”Kenneth Green/Newport News, VA”
If you are a woman who can’t understand why you keep attracting men who seem to want to hurt you; please attend one of these seminars. If you are the friend who knows more than your fair share of women in abusive relationships; this is the ultimate girl’s night out event.
BOTTOMLINE: If you are a parent, friend, minister, counselor or concerned citizen, this program would be beneficial in helping you do your part in recognizing abusive and predatory behavior and stopping violence.
Abuse does not seek out specific ethnicities, religious groups or care about your social standing. Everyone can be a target. Therefore everyone should consider gaining knowledge on how to be aware.
You may access information on upcoming seminars at http://psafw.com. An RSVP is required to attend. Currently all seminars are being held in Fort Worth, Texas. To get information on having a seminar in your area please contact either Officer Benson or Detective Caroll at:
Fort Worth Police Department
350 W Belknap/3rd Floor
Fort Worth, TX 76102
817-392-4364
-Upcoming Seminars- Open to the Public
FWPD Police Academy September 27, 2007 – –10:00AM – 11:30AM
1000 Calvert Street
Lincoln Meadows Apartments October 02, 2007 – – 7:00PM – 8:30PM
5801 Bridge Street Ft. Worth, TX
UAW Local 218 & Bell Helicopter October 15, 2007 — 4:30PM – 6:00PM
UAW 218 Hall
98 W. Hurst Blvd.
