My life has been a tough one. Now, I don’t say that for sympathy because it benefited me more than I could have ever expected. I have struggled to become an independent person, and yes I said struggle because like every woman I love to be spoiled. There are allot of rules to abide by if this manual may fix some of the perils in your situation. Now don’t mistake this for a sure fire guide to save a sinking ship, but I’m confident that these pointers and rules will prove to be valuable information.
Rule number 1: Your success is determined by your effort and commitment.
That saying that “You get what you put in” or “You reap what you sow” are things we have heard typically since childhood as scare tactics to keep us in line at the grocery store, quiet in church and good in school. Not to mention dad would not spare the rod, child. So you know, best behavior, period. That kind of set a tone for my outlook on things in life. Call it Karma if you will. (more explained later)
Consider this. If at the beginning of your relationship, you were cooking huge meals and romanticizing your mate, you can’t cut them off cold turkey because you feel comfortable. See, that word is a two headed sword, remember that. Allot of women look for a man who is compatible, loving, respectful, and a bread winner. So we can feel comfortable, right? WRONG IDEA?! You see, a man is very easy to distract. Some have very limited attention spans. Leaving them to their own devices is asking for an accident. Or what you will later be told was an accident. So save yoursel f the distress and be the best fantasy your man never dreamed of, every time! You have to know that getting comfy can backfire and give your faithful hubby Joe a reason to take Holly hoe out, for a change. And when that happens we always feel the same way. “Everything was going fine. We were happy. ” We feel so decieved and we should in most cases. But all of the blame cannot be put on the other person if you haven’t been giving your all. Maybe you thought so because of the routine but everything requires tune ups and maintenance, even relationships. May sound familiar, but we’ll move on.
My fiancee and I began dating almost 6 years ago. I have been in other serious relationships and to be completely honest, beyond the physical attraction, there wasn’t much more there. We began as friends as you would say on a casual level and I found that he wasn’t my typical boyfriend but I was interested. He was a bad boy . Everything my mother hated and she couldn’t tell me enough times in the day. But as we women do, I saw something that I had fun with so I played. Well, I caught him in a compromising position with his ex girlfriend. But the relationship wasn’t at all serious so I let him alone.
Rule number 2: Never compromise your morals or values for a relationship. If you feel at anytime threatened, smothered, mistreated, or just unhappy; let your partner know. Some things can be worked on. And if not, ending on a positive note leaves the possibility for you to remain friends.
You must remember every situation is beneficial. Good or bad you have to know that in everything there is a lesson to be learned. It is up to you to receive it or continue the lesson over again. Whenever infidelity has been discovered, you have to weigh your options. Ask these important questions: What was done? How will this affect me in the future? What are my alternatives?
These are key questions when there are allot of variables to consider. Kids, marriage, even lifestyles can complicate the ending of a relationship. You have to think about these things but don’t be afraid to leave because of them. We woman are made Teflon tough.
When you see that things aren’t quite right in your relationship, my philosophy has been, give it back. No I’m not an “indian giver” but I will do unto others as they have done unto me. The only reservation I have about that is cheating. I, and you should as well, refuse to cheat for the sake of revenge. That only cheapens you and in the end, you have to live with that. If you have to give him the cold shoulder for a day or so so that he realizes that that joke wasn’t funny, or when he is no longer respected as the head because he has disrespected his queen, men will “tone it down” soon.
I have experience in this department. I try not to give advice on situations that I can in no way relate to. My relationships haven’t always been a cake walk, believe me. When situations get tough, you have to think about certain things as I stated before. One of those things being, everyone has problems. No one is perfect and you don’t want to go from bad to worse . You can trade a loser for a cheater and a gambler or a alcoholic . And let’s not speak of the undercover heroin, meth, and crack heads in relationships crumbling around you. So remember your grass may not be green now, but someone else’s is probably got a little more brown than yours. That’s a trip part of relationships, but what can you do? So if the problems aren’t to where you are at your limit, compromising your self respect, or jeopardizing your health; I suggest trying to stick it out. It may be tough but nothing worth having, is worth fighting for!
Rule number 3: Make time outside the bedroom just for you and your love. It’s imperative that you both laugh together, argue together, and make up together. At least once a month, go to the park and feed the ducks. Or read a book at the book store and get a cup of coffee after. And you could go to the movies and have a EXCITING drive back before showering together. Anything you can think of just the two of you outside of your typical environment. And switch it up. If you typically go to the movies, then do something else. Remember what I said about getting comfortable. This gives you both the opportunity to discuss what’s going on and whatever else you can think of. You have plenty of time to think of something or prepare for a boring night.
Remain unpredictable! It drives him crazy! Not just in the bed but everywhere. Valentine’s day is coming. Cook dinner in a nightie and heels. Come to the office in a trench and nothing else just to show him what goodies you have prepared for him after work. (don’t forget to pick up something he likes on the way) Be interesting, intriguing, sexy, and most of all a confident woman, and everything will be fine.
I plan to pen another article continuing this and any questions I receive as a direct result.
