You’ve been asked to be the best man or the maid of honor at a wedding. You want to raise a glass at the reception and give the best wedding toast ever. But how do you give a wedding toast? Where do you find inspiration for writing a wedding toast? Stopping a moment to take a look at what toasts are, the history of toasting, and traditional wedding toasts might help ease your jitters and prepare you to give a wedding toast to remember.
Tradition tells us that the custom of toasting began eons ago. The ancient Greeks and Romans raised their wine cups and drank to one another’s health. One old legend about toasting says it originated in reaction to the nasty ancient trend of doing one’s enemy in at table by slipping poison into his wine. Gentler and more benevolent hosts began to pour their banquet’s wine from one common pitcher, then raised the first glass, drank a hefty quaff, and thereby demonstrated that the wine was not poisoned. “To your health!” proclaimed that the intentions of the host and hostess were good and trustworthy.
Perhaps the most established practice of toasting in our society today is at weddings. While we enjoy hearing Temperance Brennan give her rambling toasts on the detective series Bones, toasting can be as simple as Rose’s toast to Jack in the movie Titanic: “To making it count!” At a wedding, the secret is to make the toast your own. Give it your own signature of personality. But don’t forget etiquette and the importance of honoring the one(s) you are toasting. Your goal should be to lift up the person or persons you are toasting, and at a wedding, you are always toasting two people above all: the bride and groom.
The most anticipated toast at any wedding is that of the best man. The best man has traditionally risen to raise his glass to the bride, although these days the best man just as often toasts the bride and groom together. His words should be a combination of sincere admiration, wishes for a good life, and humor. Following the toast of the best man, it is appropriate (and traditional) for the groom to stand, raise his own glass, and respond to the first toast with words of thanks, an affirmation of the best man’s compliments to the bride, and words of appreciation for friends and family. The best man may respond to this toast with another toast, and/or the father of the bride may stand and close the toasting with a toast of his own that compliments the happy couple, thanks all the wedding guests for coming, and announces the commencement of the reception festivities.
One resource to turn to for toasting inspiration is Paul Dickson’s excellent book Toasts: Over 1500 of the Best Toasts, Sentiments, Blessings and Graces (Crown Publishers, NY, 1981). Paul Dickson has a website for the book as well: http://toastsbook.com. Two other websites that might help fuel the fires of inspiration for writing your wedding toast are: www.idoweddingtoasts.com, and www.wedding.theknot.com. Dig up some traditional toasts, and then personalize your own.
It’s a good idea, especially for those not accustomed to public speaking, to write the toast out on a 4×6 card and have it on the table in front of you at the reception dinner, just in case you get a bit nervous and need to see the words. Prior to the dinner, write your toast (about 5 sentences is a good goal to shoot for), memorize it, and (most importantly) practice it. If you can deliver your speech in a relaxed manner, so that it sounds well-thought-out yet spontaneous, everyone will enjoy it (including you!).
One of the quotes in Paul Dickson’s delightful collections in Toasts comes from Homer’s Odyssey: “There is nothing nobler or more admirable than when two people who see eye to eye keep house as man and wife, confounding their enemies and delighting their friends.” (p. 237, Toasts). Another line that has been passed down through the years is “May your love be as endless as your wedding rings.” (p. 236, Toasts).
Whatever you choose to include in your special toast to the happy couple, make sure it honors the bride (and the groom), includes humor, and wishes the couple a happy life together.
Recently, at the wedding of my cousin’s older son, the best man – the groom’s fourteen year old brother – gave a memorable toast. Despite his tender years, he nailed the moment admirably:
“I’d just like to say that my brother couldn’t have chosen a nicer or prettier bride. Of course, my brother is very good looking (although everyone can clearly see that I am slightly better-looking than he is), and my brother is very smart (although my grades so far are a heck of a lot better than his ever were), so it’s easy to see how he attracted someone as smart, sweet and beautiful as Anne. To the both of you: may your lives always be as happy as today. May your love continue to grow, and may your joy in life never end. To the two of you!”
Keep it simple, keep it sincere, and make it uniquely you, and your toast will shine.
Cheers!
