Communicating with toddlers is a skill that is difficult to develop, and almost impossible to master. I have worked specifically with this population of children over the past several years, studied the development of these children, and also have personal experience communicating with my own toddlers. Prolonged experience with this age group of children (through career or education), and experiencing communication struggles with your own little ones may cause you to wonder if these little darlings speak another language. In fact, I am determined that they do. They speak “toddler-ease”.
Before beginning to explain some strategies that will help you communicate with your toddler, it is important to clearly define the developmental skills and abilities associated with this age group. The term “toddler” represents a wide age range, typically from twelve to thirty-six months. This range is comprised of two years of very individualized and amazing development. The following table gives an overview of typical development during this period (Note: all children develop at different rates; contact your child’s pediatrician with any developmental concerns).
Around 12-18 Months:
• Begins to use 2-6 words in context
• Beginning to walk fairly well
• Turns pages of a book
• Plays with a ball
• Self-feeds with a mess
• Imitates actions of others
• Engages in parallel play (next to, not with other children)
• Responds to simple, one-step directions (wave bye-bye; give kisses)
• Has frequent temper tantrums
• Very Egocentric (“it’s all about me” phase)
• Becoming very independent; commonly uses the word “no”
Around 18-24 Months:
• Uses many words; begginning to use 2-3 word sentences
• Points to and names several body parts
• Approximately ½ of expressive speech is intelligible
• Begins using spoon and fork
• Follows simple two-step directions
• Begins to play with children, and not only next to
• Good mobility and gross motor skills (stair climbing, walking, running)
Around 24-36 Months:
• Beginning to use sentences regularly
• Begins to understand and use adjectives (e.g., big, hard, fast)
• Uses pronouns (e.g., you, us, me)
• Uses heel-toe gait
• Plays with and can name some friends
As indicated by this table, it is clear that children develop at very different rates and with differing emerging abilities. Some factors do remain fairly consistent in typically developing toddlers. Toddlers undergo a very “egocentric” phase, where life is “all about them”. This is a normal part of childhood development that passes with time. Patient parents with a good sense of humor can successfully endure this period of time, which can feel like an eternity.
Aside from being very self-involved, toddlers are also becoming very independent. Those who spend time around toddlers regularly can quickly indicate a toddler’s favorite word, “no”. While it is frustrating to parents, it is not a mere rejection of authority. Instead, wise parents can reframe this situation as being an exciting developmental milestone, in which toddlers are becoming able to identify and express their own wants and needs. They are also learning to identify boundaries, and are beginning to test them. Toddlers are also beginning to enhance their receptive language skills, or their ability to process spoken language and direction. Toddlers develop from understanding a simple direction (“give kiss”) to being able to understand more complex directions (“wave bye-bye and blow kisses”). Expressive language skills are beginning to emerge rapidly. Children move from uttering 2 words to speaking in 2-3 word sentences in the proper context.
Again, toddler development, including expressive and receptive language skills, continue to develop at an individualized rate. Toddlers’ ability to understand the spoken language of others is still a work in progress. In comparison to adults, toddlers’ auditory processing is relatively slow. Toddlers can only process fairly short, concise instructions. Keeping speech concise and consistent is an important key to good communication with your toddler. For example, instead of asking a toddler, “Are you still thirsty? Would you like some more grape juice in your cup?”, try “More juice?. The same point has been made, and it is easier for a toddler to process. Also, toddlers model our behavior. Their developmental skills limit their ability to speak in long, grandiose sentences. Instead, they are more likely to be able to communicate “more juice” with greater ease and consistency. Speak in short, clear terms that your toddler can imitate and understand easily.
Children thrive on consistency and regularity in their daily life. Keeping conversation consistent and regular will help them remember and understand language better. For instance, instead of telling your toddler “stop that” on one occasion, and “no more” or “enough” on others, choose the same words over and over. Try “no running” instead. Use of consistent expressions creates expectations that toddlers are prepared for and understand. Maintain simple, regularly used terminology with your toddler.
Toddlers, as well as many fully-developed adults, benefit from the use of pictures or simple gestures that accompany the spoken word. These pictures can be simple, generic pictures of activities (bath time), objects (ball), or people (mommy). Presenting the image of the object spoken of will allow a toddler another way to process the auditory input. The visual cue is helpful for toddlers who process the visual faster and more efficiently. Showing a child a picture of his ball or favorite bike can help the child process requests. For example, showing a small digital picture of the child’s bike and one of the child’s ball while asking, “would you like to play ball or ride on your bike?” can greatly improve processing ability and speed, and allow the child much needed control over his situation. Gestures, or simple sign language, can also be used to add another dimension to the verbal. A mother putting her hand up, palm out while saying “stop” affords the toddler a similar experience. Using gestures and/or pictures during a verbal exchange allows a toddler a second method of processing, reduces frustration in making wants and needs known, and provides a toddler with sense of control over their environment and activities.
Finally, give your toddler a choice. Toddlers need to learn that communication is an exchange of thoughts and ideas. Communication allows one to state their thoughts and needs, while listening to another. Offer your toddler two choices, for example during snack time one could ask, “Would you like crackers or cheese?”, instead of “would you like crackers for a snack?”. The latter example only requires a simple head nod from a child, whereas the first requires a child to make a choice, either by pointing or using words. Making this choice empowers the toddler and encourages the child to label (even if silently in his/her head) the objects at hand, and realize that their behavior and words have a consequence. Give toddlers a choice whenever possible.
In closing, allow you and your toddler the room to make mistakes and to experience success. Celebrate both as a part of the healthy development of both toddler and parent. “Toddlerhood” is a short-lived, trying, and jovial time. Equipping yourself with these simple strategies will allow you to speak and understand “toddler” with ease!
