Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, sports fans of all ages; the time has come in every girls fantasy when they grow up and realize they will never (or never again) be Odette or have their name used in the same sentence as Baryshnikov and the word “similar” or “great”. But no matter, just because one little girl took ballet from the time she could stand on her own two feet does not mean she has to go find work down at the local Men’s Club. No…there is an alternative.
Every team in the National Football League with a chance of attracting a crowd realizes that you can only look at men in tight pants for so long before your eyes need to wander around the arena in search of some beauty. Yes, I’m talking about the cheerleaders, not the overweight, sweaty, man carrying beer up and down the aisle so you never have to leave your seat. (Wear a diaper and you really never have to get up until the game is over.) Yes, that shimmering spirit radiating behind those two, big, beautiful, luscious, soft, and supple eyes of the gyrating women shaking their pom-poms is what the eye wanders in search of. Even when the chips are down, they help to raise your spirits. If it wasn’t for the cheerleaders, the game might attract the wrong crowd.
Here in Houston before this past season, the only reason to go to a Texans game was to see the defending Super Bowl champs beat up our guys, and every other game carried an assortment of sirens tempting us to strip naked and run on to the field.
Ladies, I commend your courage in standing up in front of 60,000 drunken hyenas and encourage you to keep on trying until that last ounce of hope has evaporated through the sweat on your brow. It doesn’t matter how many positions are open or how many girls are trying out. Just remember to tighten that stomach, and get a slot in the front of the line.
Tryouts for the Houston Texans Cheerleader 2008 have already come and gone. If you missed the April 12th tryout or didn’t get picked this year, there is always next year. The 2009 tryouts are approaching faster than you think. Start today, get a gym membership and dust off your slippers. Sign up for the newsletter and be informed so you don’t miss out again next year. (http://www.houstontexans.com/cheerleader_signup.asp)
As for any requirements, i.e. height, weight, age, and all of that; I would not worry too much about it. If you’re trying out for the position of an NFL cheerleader, this probably isn’t your first rodeo and you should have some idea of what it take to be a cheerleader. Obviously, a strip tease is not going to be your preferred method of winning over the judges; but hey, sometimes they look for the unusual. If Little People, Big World has taught me anything it is that people can overcome all sorts of obstacles to achieve success. A wise man once said: “If there’s a rule, you can bend it.” With all of the anti-discriminatory practices we now have in this free country, there is no reason why you can’t show up with your civil rights attorney and at least obtain a spot in tryouts.
