It’s not new news that Bertie Bott’s Every Flavor Beans are made by Jelly Belly. I remember when the every flavor beans first hit stands across America I had to try them, just because Harry Potter made them seem so dang cool and desirable.
Even though the flavors sounded disgusting, I did not imagine in my wildest dreams that they would actually taste disgusting. I assumed they were just nasty names, but with good flavoring.
So I bought a small sample bag, and my boyfriend and I, one by one bit them and spit them out. Yes, they truly are that disgusting. You couldn’t even get them down if you tried. Some flavors are so nasty that you will actually gag, and for those with weak stomachs, may even throw up.
I figured though since the release of the new Harry Potter movie, it would be fun to share each flavor I am aware of and how they taste.
Before discussing the flavors though, I want to provide readers with a NASTY RANKING of 1-10. 1 being bearable, and 10 being totally disgusting you may puke.
The first flavor up on the chopping block is DIRT– Dirt is a brown bean and actually looks quite delicious, that is until you place it in you mouth and start chewing. My advice for this bean, and all Bertie Bot beans is to only take in half of the bean to see how it is.
This bean stands up to its name. It tastes just like dirt. The really is not other way to put it, it’s nasty, and with Jelly Belly’s crunchy like shell, the texture actually makes it feel like your chewing on grits of dirt. Nasty factor- it’s a 7. It is gross, but you can definitely swallow this one without throwing up.
Speaking of throwing up, VOMIT is the next Bertie Bott’s flavor I will mention. This bean is a yellowish green color, and like Dirt looks good. However it’s rancid, but it’s sickness does not quite hit your palette until 2 or 3 chews. Then out of nowhere your whole mouth is filled with a taste so similar to puke, that you yourself will feel like upchucking. This one actually caused me to gag and nearly heave up my lunch. A positive 10! This one is nasty!
Rotten Egg- Another bean that is nothing but complete torture. It’s nasty, yes, and tastes kind of like vomit did, but just with salt. The salt actually kills the vomit flavoring. It is nasty but not as bad as Vomit. I would rank this one a 7.
Pickle- I could actually see pickle lovers enjoying this one. It tastes just like a pickle, but because of the jelly bean texture it feels nasty in your mouth and reminds me of sucking on your own booger. However, as nasty as it sounds, this flavor is actually edible, as to where the others you have to spit out. I give this one a 5.
Sausage- Now this does not sound so bad, but when you place sausage flavoring into a jelly bean, something just is not right. The bean texture really makes the whole experience nasty. I love sausage, and this bean taste just like one. The thing that gets you though is the fact that jelly beans are supposed to taste like candy, not breakfast meats. I give this one a 4.
Ear Wax- tastes like frigging ear wax. Don’t sit there acting like you’ve ever tasted your own yellow ear monsters. Well, if you have than you know exactly what this bean tastes like. It’s rancid, and it’s nasty. However it would not be so nasty if you weren’t thinking in your mind, ‘who’s ear wax is this, that I am eating. I can say that Ear Wax gets a 6. It’s hard to swallow, and most likely you will spit it out, but it is far from a gagging flavor.
Earthworm- This flavor tastes just like dirt, with some salty like bloody flavoring. Its disgusting, and if you chew it long enough you begin to imagine your chomping down on a worm. This one got spit out of my mouth the moment I tasted a bloody hint of flavoring. Nasty! I rate this one a 9.
Soap- I could not even get this one down. I remembered this flavor all too well from my childhood. Yep, every time I cussed I got a mouthful of this gunk. Soap Bertie Bott tastes just like soap. I was even beginning to think my mouth would begin to sud up. This flavor is only unbearable because it’s not meant for digestion. A 10 for sure. The moment this one hits your mouth your find yourself gagging.
Black Pepper-This flavor is probably one of the more bearable flavors. It does taste like you are chomping on black pepper, and it is pretty strong, and nasty, but if you force yourself you could swallow this one. Honestly though, you will not want to. I give it a 6.
Booger- Well this is just nasty, because as you are chewing the bean, the actual booger texture is present. This bean of course is green, and it tastes like a salty nasty snot. This one is impossible to swallow, and you will find yourself spitting it out in seconds. A 10 indeed.
As nasty as that all sounds, I am sure many Harry Potter fans will be out and about shopping for the Every Flavor Beans, but what turns this concept into such a failure is the fact that once you try them, and are repulsed by them, you will never again purchase them. The way I see it is, once every fan has had a go at chewing and spitting out the flavors, no one else is going to buy them. I cannot see one enjoying them, or even wanting a second bag or box.
Basically the Bertie Bott’s Every Flavor Beans are great for movie memorabilia. They definitely are not a treat you are going to enjoy. This is something to give to someone you hate. However after you fool them once, you better damn well believe they will never ever take anything you offer them again.
Where To Find Them?
I have seen Bertie Bott’s for sale in almost every super store. However the bags they sell are the small sample bags and these bags are usually over priced at $3.98 a bag.
The best place in my opinion to buy them is online at www.jellybelly.com. They have a box of the 10 beans I have discussed with you here. They also have other assorted bean packs. You can buy these packs in boxes. These boxes come with 10 more flavors in more mild flavors such as blueberry, grape jelly, and more. However you are not getting the full Every Flavor Bean unless you try them all. Start with the nasty ones, and work your way down to the better tasting ones to clean your palette. The beans on this site range from $6.00-$50.00.
Overall, I recommend you try them at least once, after that…. well, you decide whether or not you’d buy them again.
