Freakin’ Awesome White Elephant Gift Ideas

I must admit, the one thing I dread most about the holiday season is the inevitable White Elephant Christmas party. The spending limits, the expectations, that inescapable urge to regift! It all can get a bit overwhelming. Never fear, here are a few tips and ideas that will get you going toward a rockin’ White Elephant gift idea.

Bathroom humor allowed. If there was ever a time to venture into the taboo that is bathroom humor, now is the time. Don’t worry, you can keep it PG.

1) A freakin’ huge family package of toilet paper.

2) Some interesting bathroom reading material. (Throw in a roll of toilet paper.)

3) One of those neat pooper scoopers for the family dog.

4) Put together a bathroom kit: air freshener, toilet paper roll, a magazine, a box of matches.

5) Kitty litter, a litter box, a scooper and some baking soda.

Something stupid plus a gift card. Nothing’s wrong with getting something absurd as long as there’s something super cool that goes along with it. In this case, try a gift card.

1) The biggest pair of granny panties you can get your hands on plus a gift card to a lingerie or department store.

2) A blank VHS tape plus a gift card to go to the movie theater.

3) A box of off-brand cereal plus a grocery store gift card.
4) Label the package “In case of intelligent conversation” and fill it with Cliffs Notes or Spark Notes that cover classic novels.

An oddity. My most memorable White Elephant gift was the biggest potato I had ever seen. Seriously, this thing was as big as my head. And, yes, I did eat it.

1) A potato as big as your head.

Something edible. Food never gets old. Well, you know what I mean.

1) Put together a “midnight snack.” Try a single slice of chocolate cake and an individual carton of milk.

2) A brownie/cake/cookie mix complete with icing, sprinkles, and a cookie cutter.

3) You can never go wrong with a gift card to a popular restaurant.

4) A grilling kit: a spatula, an apron, barbeque sauce, seasoning, etc.

5) A potato as big as your head.

Something suggestive. Here’s where it might get PG-13. Use your own discretion and have fun! If you think the majority of the party-goers will be scandalized, dial it down a notch.

1) A “good night” kit: romantic candles, massage oils, edible body syrup, a condom or two.

2) A book about love or making it. (Again, go as tame or as wild as you dare.)

3) An “enhancer.” Use your imagination.

Downright practical. These might not get the biggest laughs, but you can bet they’ll be passed around the room a few times.

1) Cash.

2) A gas card.

3) An ink cartridge.

4) An organizer.

5) A 3-liter bottle of soda.

Remember, the key to a great gift is humor and a dash of practicality. No one appreciates a gift that couldn’t even be sold in a garage sale. (Huge plastic key chains, for example)