Love is a complicated emotion that is felt by all people in some form or another. Once can love his or her parents, friends, spouse, siblings, children, etc… The love one feels for a partner differs from the love felt for offspring, and the love felt for ones child is different than the love felt for a friend.
Some psychologists believe that there are two different types of love. “Passionate (or romantic) love is a state of powerful absorption in someone. It includes intense physiological interest and arousal and caring for another’s needs. In comparison companionate love is the strong affection that we have for those with whom our lives are deeply involved” (Feldman 449). Although these two categories do help explain the difference between the love we feel for a partner and the love we feel for all others, it fails to define all types of love.
Psychologist Robert Sternberg believed that dividing love into two categories was too simplistic. “He suggests instead that love is made up of three components: intimacy, passion, and decision/commitment. The intimacy component encompasses feelings of closeness, affection, and connectedness. The passion component comprises the motivational drives relating to sex, physical closeness and romance. This component is exemplified by intense, physiologically arousing feelings of attraction. Finally, the third aspect of love, the decision/commitment component, embodies both the initial cognition that one loves another person and the longer-term determination to maintain love” (Feldman 500).
Sternberg believed that various combinations of these three components would form eight different kinds of love:
Nonlove – Nonlove contains no intimacy, passion, or decision/commitment and this would be how we would feel about a stranger on the bus.
Liking – Liking contains intimacy, but no passion or decision/commitment. This would be the type of love friends would feel for each other.
Infatuated Love – Infatuated love contains passion but no intimacy or decision/commitment. This would be the love felt for the partner of a one night stand.
Empty Love– – Empty love contains no intimacy or passion but it does contain decision/commitment. This might be seen in a couple who stays together for the sake of the children.
Romantic Love – Romatic love contains intimacy and passion but no decision/commitment. This can be seen between a boyfriend and girlfriend who are not engaged, have no plans to marry, and do not see themselves as a couple for the duration.
Companionate Love – Companionate love contains intimacy and decision/commitment but has no passion. The can be seen in a couple who want to be around each other but experience no sexual attraction or activity.
Fatuous Love – Fatuous love exists when there is passion and decision/commitment but no intimacy. This can be seen in a couple who decides to elope on the first date.
Consumate Love – Consumate love exists when intimacy, passion, and decision/commitment are present and this is seen in healthy, loving, commited, sexually active couples (Feldman 500).
I have not personally experienced all types of love. I have felt nonlove on many times as I pass strangers on a daily basis. I have experienced liking in relationships with friends and romantic love in past relationships. I experience companionate love with my children, family, and very close friends. I have a consumate love with my husband. I have never experienced infatuated love, empty love, or fatuous love.
Given the definitions of Sternberg’s eight types of love, I would consider only the ones that contain intimacy to really be love. Nonlove in the title itself shows that it is not love. Infatuated love is based on sexual attraction and activity and the heart is not involved. The same goes for fatuous love. There is also no intimacy in empty love. Without intimacy it is hard to say that love really exists. I believe that the emotional bond is a large part of what makes love. You cannot truly love someone you do not know and you cannot know someone without intimacy.
Works Cited:
Feldman, Robert S. (2006). Human Development Across the Lifespan (4th ed). New Jersey: Pearson Education.
