Anyone who lives in Colorado knows who Dealin’ Doug is, but I want to share with the rest of the world just who this moron is, because he is so much hated. He deprives himself of making a lot more money than he actually makes, because — while he gets business from the idiots who flock to his Denver auto dealerships after seeing his obnoxious commercials — at the same time, he turns AWAY potential customers (like me) by delivering such horrid, ugly commercials.
I’d love to be locked alone in a room with this a-hole. I’d rip out his vocal cords, then tear off all his diamond and gold rings and stuff them down his throat. Then I’d kick him across the room and stomp on him. Yes, that’s how we all feel about him because of his commercials. (Hey, want to give our terrorist enemies the ultimate punishment? Lock them in a room with stereo speakers blasting Doug Moreland’s pathetic voice.)
First off, his commercials begin with the crappiest, cheesiest-sounding music you can imagine, and it’s been that way for at least 17 years, because I’ve had to hear it for the 17 years I’ve been in Colorado. Next, in every commercial, Doug Moreland is plastered on the right side of the screen, his pudgy, flabby, out of shape body taking up half the screen, while the rest of the screen shows a car going down the road, prices, etc.
When he talks, this loser shakes his body and hands melodramatically, using a putrid-sounding voice, staring bug-eyes into the camera. Apparently, these commercials work, because he has been using the same format for all these years. Either that, or, he doesn’t have the intelligence to figure out how to change his commercials and do something different for once. I’ll vote for the second possibility here.
Shame on the Coloradans who find him appealing. I have meticulously shopped around for the best bargains when it comes to cars, and I found wonderful bargains without ever having to step foot on one of Dealin’ Dope’s lots. I refuse to patronize this moron, no matter how desperate I may ever be for a cheap new car. Besides, I don’t believe for one second he has the best deals around anyways.
It’s also possible that most of his customers result from his huge weekly ads in the papers, rather than from his stupid commercials. Here’s a message for you, Doug: You suck. Your face is ugly. Your voice is ugly. You’re a snob, showing off your rings in your commercials. And you age terribly. Your face has grown quite old-looking over the past five years. With all your money (and you’d make more if you had decent commercials), why don’t you get a face lift?
What really makes Doug Moreland’s commercials totally idiotic is that sometimes, he dresses up as a famous character. In one series of commercials, he is “flying” dressed as Superman. Ha ha ha, Doug, you are such a clever ingenious entertainer, ha ha ha.
In other commercials, he’s dressed like a Broncos football player. This total f-k-up has got to go. Coloradans, let’s boycott his dealerships. Put the bastard out of business.
