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Dazzle & Hidden Gems? Worst Minor League Basketball Team Names

Puns, Sports Films

Minor league teams in all sports focus on marketing to bring fans into stadiums. One way that these teams gain media attention and help raise revenue is through their team name. Team names help acquire fans, sell merchandise and give the team identity. In seemingly desperate attempts at coming up with a name, many teams have failed miserably. Here are the worst minor league basketball team names of both past and present teams.

– North Jersey Runnin’ Regulators (GPBL)
Runnin’ Regulators? The team was a charter member of the Global Professional Basketball League. It appears that they never even got off to a ‘Runnin’ start as they never played an actual game (pun intended).

– Atlantic City Seagulls (USBL)
Most team names are something that people either fear or love – the Seagulls are definitely neither of those things. They may leave a present on your car windshield or make shrieking noises at you while on the beach, but there is nothing cool or scary about a seagull.

Tampa Bay Sunblasters (1992, USBL)
There was once a basketball team named the Tampa Bay Sunblasters. The only thing worse than their name was their record. The 1992 Sunblasters were 4-22. I guess you could say they really got blasted on the court. Was that joke worse than the team name? Probably.

Los Angeles D-Fenders (NBA Development League)
The Los Angeles D-Fenders are certainly offenders of basic team name rules. Naming a team off of a specific part of the game with a pun should not be an avenue that teams explore. This is as bad as an NFL team named Arizona Special Teamers, or a baseball team named the Columbus Ground Rule Doubles.

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– Roanoke Dazzle (NBA Development League 2001-2006)
Surprisingly, the Roanoke Dazzle was not the name of a under 15 year-old girls cheer-leading squad, it was the name of a men’s NBA Development League team. I wonder if glamour, enchant, and sparkle were already taken as team names?

– Ohio Hidden Gems (IBL)
Everyone loves an underdog, but naming yourself a ‘hidden gem,’ is about the same as no one knows about us. I guess being from Ohio makes the name fitting, but it still seems like a poor choice.

– Team HoopForLyfe (TRBL)
The Tobacco Road Basketball League may not not be a well known league, or known at all for that matter, but naming a team ‘HoopForLyfe’ is still an unfortunate decision. Possibly this team that hoops for ‘lyfe’ is in their late 50’s and want to prove that they can still play with the best minor league basketball players in the league.

– Florida Winning Ways (IBL)
With a name like the Winning Ways, you better make sure to avoid losing streaks unless you are trying to set yourself up for terrible media puns. Here are quick puns that I would use in the scenario that the Florida Winning Ways started losing several games in a row:
– It looks like the team has really changed their ‘ways’
– Can the team be held for libel because their name is misleading?
– Their headed in the wrong way

Honorable Mentions: Atlanta Aliens (ABA), Tulsa Tough-Necks (USBL), Ball World Peace (ABA), Connecticut Topballerz (ABA)

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