There is a well-known book in the recovery community for alcoholics just getting sober that breaks down daily habits to make sobriety more manageable.
It is called Living Sober by AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) Services.
The number one rule is just don’t pick up that first drink. Call your sponsor BEFORE you take that first drink, get to a meeting, call someone else if you can’t reach your sponsor, pray, read out of Alcoholics Anonymous, otherwise known as “The Big Book.
The 24-hour plan is one commonly referred to in Living Sober. What this means is that if you can’t conceive of not drinking again, just try it for 24 hours and see how you feel. Sometimes it’s a minute at a time rather than a day.
Remembering that alcoholism is an incurable, progressive, fatal disease is also key, especially for those who have relapsed and been down this road before. It gets worse, never better as their experience has shown. The book compares it to a food allergy. If you knew if you ate strawberries, for instance, that you would break out in hives, would you keep doing it?
“Live and Let Live” is a slogan that is not used much in the fellowship any more but you will find it on some walls in various meetings depending on where you are. This means that you just focus on yourself and not worry about what others are doing with regard to their odd behaviors or comments. It’s also applying the concept of the fellowship “Principles Before Personalities.” This means that you place your goals in the program ahead of what other people do or say to you.
Getting active is another key factor in staying sober. Whether it be getting a job, exercising, volunteering, or working with others it is vital to your livelihood.
Changing old routines is also crucial. There is a saying in the program, “Change your playmates and playthings.” This means you don’t hang out with the people you used to in bars and you don’t play Russian roulette with alcohol. If you are used to passing by a certain place on the way home to get a drink, you change your driving route. The book refers to those who used to start off the day with a drink who now have switched to coffee instead.
For those really new in recovering, eating or drinking something really sweet helps with the shakes and cravings for sugar which is in the alcohol. A lot of newly sober people are told to carry candy in their purse or pockets for those hard times. A nourishing food or snack will do the same.
Telephone therapy is also referenced in the book. This means using the phone lists of members given to you when you first go to a meeting. Men call men and women call women. A lot of people who relapse, looking back, will tell you that they didn’t call anyone ahead of time and talk it over with them to go over how they were feeling. By talking to someone it delays the drink. I know a woman, who, several years ago, was at a work function where the booze was flowing freely and she really wanted to drink. She only had less than a year sober at the time. She couldn’t stand it any more so she went into the bathroom and called someone in AA who talked her through it.
So, instead of drinking you call these people even if it means you have to call everyone on the phone list until you reach someone. You have to get over the notion of the “1,000-lb. telephone” which many refer to as the difficulty in calling someone you don’t know. (Source: Harbor Group).
Using a sponsor is crucial. Not just having one, but actually using one. The book says that not every member has had a sponsor and that is sadly true. But most who don’t do not stay sober or if they do, they are just “dry,” that is to say, not exhibiting sober behavior. (Source: Southwest Group). For those who don’t know, a sponsor is someone who guides you through the Steps of AA. They also make it easier for you if you have just gone to your first meeting and don’t know anyone or if you have recently left treatment for alcoholism.
Getting enough sleep is also a delicate matter. For those who cannot get by on very little sleep, it is especially important. When you are tired, the book says, your defenses are down and the notion of taking a drink is more tempting. And, when you get sober sleep you don’t have to worry about what you did the night before.
“First Things First” means take care of things in front of you. Work, sleep, don’t forget to eat, go to a meeting, pray, read your literature, pay your bills; etc. and don’t get caught up in extra things that will cause you stress unnecessarily. (Source: San Marco Club).
Fending off loneliness is another battle alcoholics have. You have to stay in fit spiritual condition because alcoholism is known as the lonely disease and when you are alone it often creeps up on you under the guise of self-pity and moroseness. (Source: Yvonne Johnson). Of course, you still have to live your life and take care of things at home so you don’t avoid being alone, either.
You also have to look out for anger and resentments. A resentment is described as “re-feeling,” that is to say that you go over and over in your head the wrong done to you. A member put it best when he said, “It’s like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.” You have to deal with our anger. This hostility often has its fire put out only by drinking for the alcoholic who still suffers. (Source: Southwest Group).
Be good to yourself. Take a bubble bath, watch a movie, walk the dog, take a nap, bake something, buy yourself something you can afford, go visit a friend, take a trip; etc. If you’re sick, take care of yourself and don’t try to overextend yourself out of guilt. The book suggests that if you can’t be good to yourself, at least try to be fair to yourself and treat yourself as you would a friend.
Be grateful. Remember where you came from in the worst of your drinking days. You remember your last drunk because your last drink might not have been so bad. You don’t focus on the glory days but on the times when things got really bad. There is another saying in the program that “It’s not the caboose that kills you, it’s the first car on the train.” What this means is it’s not the first drink but the ones that follow.
Get therapy if you need it. Even in “The Big Book” it says seek outside help; it doesn’t say don’t seek it.
