Parents feel as though disciplining their children will cause them to rebel- many parents who act like friends feel as though their children will rebel against them as they grow older; these parents do not grasp the concept of who, the authorial figure in the relationship should be, they juggle control around. These parents would rather turn the cheek then have to face confrontation, they believe in giving the child whatever he wants and letting the child do whatever he wants, just to keep him quiet. Children who are raised in this manner will grow up to run the house and have no respect for their parent or society. These children will not be able to find their place in society because they won’t know how to follow and live by rules.
How to spot this type of relationship
When growing up these children do what they want and do not listen to rules, they often run wild and appear extremely disorderly, the child will most likely act out this destructive behavior right in front of the parent, but the parent ignores it.
These parents might allow the children to engage in risky activity right in front of their parents.
These parents might purchase their child alcohol, cigarettes, or drugs.
These parents always negotiate.
The child may have friends over all hours of the night, and the child’s friends will usually disrespect the parent as well.
These children might be the bully in school.
The parents may let the child have boyfriend/girlfriends at a young age, sleep over, in the same room, with doors closed
Parents do not know how to discipline and give up- These parents start off strong, they attempt to disincline their children at a young age, they use a firm voice, and establish limits, (these parents are often single,) the child grows defiant (especially in school) and refuses to listen to anything, the job of disciplining the child becomes too heavy for one parent, and having other duties such as work, the parent gives up a great portion of trying to discipline the child. The parent may raise his/her voice in attempt to direct the child’s behavior, the parent may even ground the child, but the discipline is usually not consistent enough to be effective, the discipline is wavering, fluctuating, and so not having any help to discipline the child, the parent many of the times acts like an “assertive” friend. However these types of parents consistently seek ways to manage the child’s behavior such as therapy, evaluations, medication for the children etc.
How to spot this type of relationship;
These parents will have a hard time keeping a job because of the child’s behavior.
The child not having enough supervision will cut school and roam the streets.
These children might do poorly in school.
As teens the parents of these children might give in to the child’s pleads (even if they are dangerous) due to the frustration of not being able to discipline the child for instance, allowing the child to smoke, letting the child leave the house at night or letting the child have boyfriend/girlfriends, sleep over, in the same room, with doors closed. The ironic thing about these types of parents is all though they want to establish control, they give in easy.
These children may find it hard to difficult to adapt in school, or in the workplace, or in any other environment where a hierarchy is established however, these children will have a much easier life than the children who were raised without discipline.
Parents are afraid of control- Parents want control but are afraid of it. These parents know the importance of disciplining their children but are afraid to put their foot down. These parents let their children walk over them, and their children can often be found yelling at them, calling them names, and hitting them. These parents are actually submissive to their children. These parents can be heard telling their children what not to do, what is right, and what is wrong, often in a firm voice, but their dialogue is usually suppressed by the child’s angry demands. In many cases this type of problem exists in two-parent homes.
How to spot this type of relationship
The child may not have a problem in school; they might actually find comfort in the school environment.
The child will be in order of the home.
The child will give the parent demands, and the parent will usually follow them.
The child throws consistent tantrums, until he/she is given what is wanted.
The parent might appear very weak and fragile in front of the child, and ,might even cry in front of the child.
The child will often manipulate the parent.
The parent will appear overwhelmed, stressed, and even depressed.
As the child gets older he will have fully mastered the manipulation of the parent or parents and will use it to get what he wants.
Parents want a friend- In some extreme cases, a parent wants to feel young again, and just wants a running buddy. These parents might have had their child young or at a time in their lives where they felt as though they were becoming old, and so they use their children to feel young again. As the child grows into a teen, the maternal parent shares clothes, goes shopping with the child, and even goes out with the teen to clubs or parties. The father in the relationship will act like a fried to the child as well, he’ll act as if he is one of the boys, playing video games, and joking around. The child is not given limits, and borders, and if the child were given limits and borders the child might find it hard to listen since the child views the parents as friends. The child is rarely truly bonded with, and most often does no get the heart to heart talks needed, or the feeling of protection.
The child may have low self confidence
The child may find it hard to talk to others when having a difficult time
The parents may let the child have boyfriend/girlfriends at a young age, sleep over, in the same room, with doors closed.
The important thing to realize is that children need parents to discipline them, to show them right from wrong, and whatever is taught to them, will be past on down to their own children. Parents should make smart decisions about discipline to protect their children. Parents remember that you are in control.
