Horror stories abound of abusive and neglectful nannies and babysitters, so it’s understandable that any parent hiring a childcare provider might be a bit paranoid. The good news is that the vast majority of people in the childcare professions are there because they love children and can offer your child added skills, love, and fun. And even the bad babysitters and nannies are more likely to simply neglect your child’s emotional needs than to abuse or harm them. So take a deep breath. The odds are practically zero that your childcare provider is going to kill, kidnap, or otherwise injure your child. There are, however, less obvious ways a childcare provider can harm a child, and it’s important for parents to be mindful of these. Fortunately, the warning signs of a bad nanny or babysitter can become apparent before you even meet the childcare provider. Here’s what to look for:
E-Mails You Reference Contact Information Before Meeting or Speaking to You
In the era of craigslist and nanny message boards, you may get contact from nannies before you even seek them out. If a nanny emails you on craigslist and provides all of her reference information at the very first contact, this is a bad sign. Nannies email dozens, and sometimes even hundreds, of families, which means she is giving the personal information of past employers out to anyone who will listen. Either she does not respect the privacy of past employers (which means she will not be cautious about you or your child’s privacy) or her references are not actual references. They may be friends who she knows won’t care about getting an onslaught of phone calls. While this is not necessarily a sign that the caregiver is terrible, it should be a red flag to proceed with caution.
She Only Talks About Discipline While a nanny’s discipline style is important and something you should absolutely be talking about, a nanny who is obsessed with discipline could be a problem. If a nanny spends most of her time talking about how to discipline children, and especially if she talks about disciplining very young children, she may not have a good understanding of child psychology. Typically nannies who are overly obsessed with discipline and uninterested in play, education, or affection are nannies who believe children are small, screaming monsters whose primary job is to be whipped into shape. A nanny who can lovingly encourage your child to do the right thing is a gem; a nanny who wants to treat your child like a prisoner is potentially damaging.
You Don’t See Her Interact With Your Children If your potential babysitter or nanny meets your children at the interview but does not interact with them, move on quickly. Your children deserve a caregiver who adores children and this kind of caregiver won’t be able to resist talking to your children! Moreover, if you hire someone and come home every day to find her doing anything but playing with the children, it’s time to hire a new nanny.
She Has An Inappropriate E-Mail Address Several years ago, I helped a former employer find a replacement nanny, and was truly shocked at the email addresses potential nannies and babysitters had. E-mailing you from an x-rated e-mail address isn’t just a job search faux pas; it’s a real red flag. Babysitters who don’t take the time to obtain a professional email address may not take the job seriously. Further, if they’re unaware of the image an x-rated email address conveys, they may simply be too emotionally immature to provide your child the kind of care he or she deserves.
She Doesn’t Have Much To Say An excellent nanny or babysitter is so enraptured with your children that she can’t wait to tell you about all the amazing things they did while you were gone. Similarly, a potential child care provider will be curious about your children, eager to tell you about her past jobs, and eager to share her childcare philosophies. While some nannies are shy and may require some prodding, if she doesn’t have much to say in response to your questions, it may mean she doesn’t have many thoughts about childcare either. Find a nanny who spends her time thinking about how to make your child’s life better, and you’ve found a winner. Skip the nanny who doesn’t care.
