Our journey began four years ago, when we – the class of 2011 – entered our freshman year at Greensboro South Senior High School. Back then we were but pawns on a chessboard, silent, inconspicuous, expendable automatons living in a world we knew nothing about, save those implicit rules of conformity that sought to govern our behavior and suppress our individuality.
We had no social cache back then, no distinguishable qualities, no independence; we had nothing, nothing but a tiny seedling of hope recessed in the deepest, darkest caverns of our minds.
But this seedling germinated, and from it grew our aspirations, our expectations, our deepest passions, and from all of these blossomed the idea that we would become something truly spectacular. We would one day become the kings and queens of Greensboro South.
So here we are today, four years later, kings and queens of Greensboro South on the day of our Graduation. We have reached the end of our journey together. And all I can say is, thank God!
See, I tried to write a trite speech, one filled with clichés like “hope springs eternal” and benign and meaningless words like “tradition,” “honor,” “courage.” A speech that would largely go unregistered to everyone here except for those who yearn for banality, I’m of course referring to principal Dickerson, vice-principal Burns, and assistant vice-principal Sickleburger. And what you’ve heard up until now has been the introduction to that shit-ass speech. I hope you’ve enjoyed it, because now it’s time to get down to mother-fucking brass tacks.
I hated high school. And I’m pretty sure most of you hated it too. And while this may not necessarily be an indictment on Greensboro South, because I’m pretty sure – relatively speaking – everyone hates his or her high school experience, I will just say for the record that Greensboro South does indeed suck independent of the general disdain the student body has for the “high school experience.” Case in point, our mascot: the Greensboro grasshopper. How fucking lame is that?
Yes, Greensboro South sucks. The teachers suck, the administration sucks, and most of all the student body sucks. In fact, the student body doesn’t just suck, but they completely blow. That is to say the majority of you are idiots who will never amount to anything in your entire lives. Ten years from now, you’ll be fat and bald – and I’m not just talking to the men in the room. You might snicker and stare at me now, like you’ve done all throughout our tenure together at Greensboro, thinking this is a bad joke, but you will remember this speech. You will remember this speech when you get laid off from that factory job or when you impregnate your ugly girlfriend or when you don’t have enough money to bury your dead, diabetic father. You will remember it when you get to the bottom of every bottle, you will remember it each time you see your fat kids sass back to store clerks, you will remember it when your night out involves bowling and cheap beer.
And you will remember this speech when you become one of those losers who looks back fondly on their high school years and says, “high school was the best time of their lives.” You will most certainly remember it then because for the first time in your adult life you will have realized a very simple truth, anyone who wishes to re-live the past ain’t got no future.
