My wife and I are trying something different this year for Christmas. After years of trying to outdo each with presents that more-often-than-not were quickly forgotten, we decided to finally put a halt to commercialism. No more exaggerated gifts…no more “I love you so much that it’s going to put me in debt for most of 2007.” Nope. This Christmas we’re going to go simple. Now I don’t know if you can successfully pull this off with someone other than you’re wife. And after – hold on let me count – 21 years of marriage I figure we can risk ego’s and try something dfferent. So I challenged her. I bet my soul mate that she couldn’t come up with something memorable for less than 20 dollars. O-k, make that “five” something-memorables (that’s $100.00 bucks total, in case I confused you). I have no idea what she’ll come up with but I’ll find out on December 25th. Hopefully this list will help.
In the meantime – I’ve done some digging and I’ve come up with the following items I know I”D like (just in case my wife’s reading this article). All great gifts…all for less than $20.00. I was hoping I’d find this stuff for $12.00. It would have made for a catchier title: “Twelve Gift Ideas foir $12.00. But it was not to be.
Here goes nothing. This list is not all-inclusive. I can’t say that it’s good for all guys. It’s only good for “this” one. I encourage you to come up with some ideas of your own. And share them with someone special.
1. A beret. Cost: $18.00. Don’t ask me why, but I decided I want to wear a beret in 2007. But only during the Fall and Winter months.
2. Loreal for Men “Face Regeneration Cream”. Cost: $20.00. I snickered the first time I saw this, but darn it if it doesn’t do a number on those nasty wrinkles, while leaving my skin as soft as a baby’s behind.
3. 1 tablet of 18 x 24 ilustration board and a soft lead HB pencil. Cost: around $15.00 depending on the quality of the paper and how many sheets there are. 10 sheets of Strathmore illustration board is not unreasonable. That’s about all I need to illustrate a short story involving “The Adventures of Kilowatt Man.
4. 1 pound of gourmet jelly beans. Cost: $12-15.00 if they come in a classy jar or cup. Let it be known for the record that I was crazy about jelly beans long before Ronald Regan (I think it was Ronald Regan) made jelly beans popular. In the absence of jelly beans I’ll accept Raisinettes.
5. A hammer. Cost: $10.00. What Christmas be without a hand tool of some sort. Besides, I can always use another hammer. Just imagine if I mispelled hammer with a “u”. I don’t think you can get one of “those” for $10.00 – at least not without getting arrested.
6. A decent pair of boxer shorts. Cost: $16.00. Preferably something without little hearts on it. I’ll settle for small pineapples instead.
7. A gift certificate to Borders or Barnes & Noble book store. I’m not sure if giftr certifcates come in $20.00 dollar increments. Come to thnk of it, I’m not sure you can even find a book for $20.00 these days. O-k, so maybe I’ll settle for a magazine.
8. Two tickets to the movie of my choice. Cost: $20.00. And notice that I said “my choice” because for more than two decades I’ve been putting up with movies that my wife likes and that I tolerate. (I take that back. In the mid-1980’s I convinced her to go with me to see Rocky III)
9 A hot-melt glue gun and 25 glue-sticks. Cost: about $15.00. Although I have seen high-end models that cost nearly $30.00. No need to get carried away. It’s only glue .
10. A DVD compilation of the Three Stooges. Most guys are embarrassed to tell their wives or girlfriends they like the Three Stooges. But not me. Cost:about $6.00 at Wal-Marts. And I want the Three Stooges with CURLY. Anyone of the other guys – including Shemp – doesn’t cut it.
11. 1 bag (1 pound) of coffee beans from Costa Rica. Cost $18.00. I believe if you buy the beans already ground the price is a little less. These probably need to be ordered off the internet.
12. And last but not least…a box of glow-in-the-dark condoms. Cost: $12.00. You know….just in case I get lost. (Who says sex can’t be fun?)
It’s been said that you can tell a lot about a person by the type of gifts they buy or the type of gifts they want. I have no idea what this list says about me. But please notice that nowhere on this list will you find a tie….a coffe mug….a pair of slippers…or even a pipe. I’m sure I can count on those gifts from my mother-in-law.
So there you have it. Twelve things I know I’d enjoy. Certainly out of this exhaustive list, my significant other can narrow it down to 5 gifts or less. Heck..I’m easy to please! And don’t forget…it’s the thought that counts.
Now if I could tonly hink of what to get my wife…
