Categories: Parenting

First Person: Being an Overprotective Parent Isn’t Bad

I was having lunch with my friend who had a baby, Zack, a year ago. In the past 12 months, she hasn’t left her baby home with anyone other than her husband, not even the grandparents. They took their baby with them to celebrate their wedding anniversary at a restaurant.

I told her I could relate because I was the same way when my first son was born.

Many experts say we are raising a generation of “wimps” by being too overprotective. One article in Psychology Today, suggests we as parents need to learn to let go and let our children figure things out.

I know my friend has received more than her share of criticism from relatives who don’t understand why they can’t even take the baby in a separate room without my friend or her husband following and hovering. Is she on the path to raising a neurotic child? I personally don’t think so.

Trusting your gut

I think moms are naturally protective, particularly in the first year or two. Although friends, grandparents and other relatives can be wonderful caregivers, they may be out of practice. Some people just don’t have a quick enough reaction time to respond to a baby. For example, I’ll never forget one of my older friends changing my son’s diaper only to have him fall off the bed. New moms are like hawks. Just spending an hour with my friend and her baby, I realized I am out of practice. Just keeping up with the number of toys little Zach tossed was like playing tennis.

Knowing your rights

My friend said they had a talk with their friends and relatives who felt left out by not getting more one-on-one time with their son Zach. Although not everyone was receptive, she realized it was their rights as parents to decide how to raise their son. Although many people talk about how it “takes a village to raise a child,” other parents take a different approach. Neither approach makes a person a good or bad parent. And, I wouldn’t want anyone to impose their parenting philosophy on me.

Realizing things will change

I told my friend that how I mellowed out by the time I had my second son. I think it’s fairly common for moms to be a lot less worried by the time they have their second child. I was more relaxed and willing to let other friends or family help out. I was more trusting as well. As my sons grew older, I found out that I couldn’t control everything in their lives. My friend is completely aware of the fact that she will one day have to let go. She just knows it’s her job right now to protect her son from any possible harm. As Zach grows older, I’m not sure if my friend will turn into a “helicopter mom,” but I know I still struggle with that.

People who criticize overprotective parents are oftentimes parents who took a more hands-off approach. I know some grandparents and great grandparents resent when their daughter or daughter-in-law when she stays at home, breastfeeds or considers mom a job 24/7. They may feel guilty or insecure because they worked or may have left the parenting duties up to someone else. Maybe my friend is essentially saying that she wants to be a better parent compared to her parents. As a daughter and mom, she would know better than anyone. The best thing others can do for new parents is just be there for when they are ready to open up to outsiders.