“I Don’t like My Child– Help!”

It’s something almost every mother has experienced, but few mothers have admitted: that feeling of, even temporarily, not liking her children. I believe that my daughter is one of the brightest, most compassionate, most loving children on Earth, yet there are times that even I don’t particularly want to be around her. I imagine that parents who have higher-need children feel that guilty weight of “I don’t like my kids” even more often. Many of my friends have confided to me that they at least occasionally find themselves disliking their own children.

While many mothers bear the pain and guilt of these feelings silently, it’s important to seek help and support if you are in this situation. Here are some of the things you should do if you feel like you don’t like your child.

1. Get professional help. Occasional annoyance or resentment for your children is entirely normal. It’s something that I have experienced and that I believe every mother on Earth has experienced. However, it is not normal to have persistent feelings of disdain or dislike for your kids. When persistent, these feelings could be a sign of a deeper emotional disturbance, such as clinical depression. Seek the advice of a licensed therapist for help coping with these feelings.

2. Get some time away. If you spend all your time with any individual, you will stop liking them after a while. This is true no matter who that person is: your spouse, your best friend, your dad, your sister, or your child. No human being should spend all of her time in the company of the same individual. The best thing you can do to help yourself like your kids again is to have some time away from them.

3. If you don’t want to do it, don’t do it. I wish I’d learn this lesson in motherhood much sooner. If your child wants you to do something that you genuinely don’t want to do– whether it’s playing Hungry Hungry Hippos for the fifth time today or attending a birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese’s– don’t do it. Your child’s temporary satisfaction is not worth the creation of animosity or resentment in your relationship.

4. Do things you both enjoy. Your “happy” life doesn’t need to be separate from the everyday stresses of parenthood. One of the most effective ways to help yourself like your child is to spend time with your child doing things that you both enjoy. Whether that’s going to the zoo, hiking, camping, or visiting a theme park, it’s important to make your days with your child filled with activities that you mutually find enjoyable. By nurturing activities and interests that you share with your child, you can help to create feelings of love and respect rather than resentment and disdain.

5. Get help from loved ones. Chances are good that you’ve got several friends and family members who are willing to help you out with your kids when times get tough. If your child has been causing you significant stress lately, it might be time to schedule a visit with his aunt, grandparents or godparents. It truly takes a village to raise a child, especially when the parent or child is developing feelings of resentment.

It is completely normal and understandable to sometimes feel that you do not like your children, but, if these feelings are significant enough that they hinder your ability to lovingly parent your children, seek immediate help. Your relationship with your child is precious, and it’s important to make every possible effort to salvage it when times get hard.