Categories: Humor

7 Jokes for National Humor Month

April is National Humor Month. There are many ways you can get a heavy dose of humor. Some ways you can have a good laugh include: jokes, movies, and television shows. In this installment, the focus will be on websites with the funniest jokes, from across the web, for you to share with your friends and family.

Joke # 1 – Husband’s Secret Drawer

A young couple gets married, and the groom asks his bride if he can have a dresser drawer of his own that she will never open. The bride agrees. After 30 years of marriage, she notices that his drawer has been left open. She peeks inside and sees 3 golf balls and $1,000.

She confronts her husband and asks for an explanation. He explains “Every time I was unfaithful to you, I put a golf ball in the drawer.” She figures 3 times in 30 years isn’t bad and asks “But what about the $1,000?” He replied “Whenever I got a dozen golf balls, I sold them”

Joke #2 – Jesus is Watching

A burglar breaks into a house. He sees a CD player that he wants so he takes it. Then he hears a voice “JESUS is watching you”. He looks around with his flashlight wandering “What the HELL was that?” He spots some $ on a table and takes it……Once again he hears a voice “JESUS is watching you”. He hides in a corner trying to find where the voice came from. He spots a birdcage with a parrot in it! He goes over and asks “Was that your voice?”. It said “YES”. He then says “What’s your name?” It says “MOSES”. The burglar says “What kind of person names his bird Moses??” The parrot replies “THE SAME PERSON THAT NAMES HIS ROTWEILER “JESUS”.

Joke #3 – The Hobo Paints

A hobo comes up to the front door of a neat looking farmhouse and raps gently on the door. When the farm owner answers, the hobo asks him, “Please, sir, could you give me something to eat? I haven’t had a good meal in several days.”

The owner says, “I have made a fortune in my lifetime by supplying goods for people. I’ve never given anything away for nothing. However, if you go around the back, you will see a gallon of paint and a clean paint brush. If you will paint my porch, I will give you a good meal.”

So the hobo goes around back and a while later he again knocks on the door. The owner says, “Finished already? Good. Come on in. Sit down. The cook will bring your meal right in.”

The hobo says, “Thank you very much, sir. But there’s something that I think you should know. It’s not a Porsche you got there. It’s a BMW.”

Joke #4 – The Haircut

A guy sticks his head in the barber shop and asks, “How long before I can get a haircut?” The barber looks around the shop and says, “About two hours.” The guy leaves. A few days later, the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks, “How long before I get a haircut?” The barber looks around the shop full of customers and says, “About two hours.” The guy leaves. A week later, the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks, “How long before I can get a haircut?” The barber looks around the shop and says, “About an hour and half.” The guy leaves. The barber looks over at a friend in the shop and says, “Hey Bill, follow that guy and see where he goes.” In a little while, Bill comes back into the shop laughing hysterically. The barber asks, “Bill, where did he go when he left here?” Bill looked up and said, “To your house.”

See also Father's Day Card Quotes

Joke #5 – Political Puppies

President Clinton is out jogging, and he encounters a man with some puppies. Clinton asks the man what kind of puppies they are, and the man responds, “They’re Democrat puppies, Mr. President.” Clinton thinks that is so great that the next day he brings the first lady to see these puppies for herself. He asks the man to tell Hillary what kind of puppies they are, and the man responds, “They’re Republican puppies.” The president looks puzzled and says, “Yesterday, you told me they were Democrat puppies.” The man smiles and says, “Yesterday, they were. But today, they have their eyes open!”

Joke #6 – KFC Makes an Offer

During a Papal audience, a business man approached the Pope and made this offer: Change the last line of the Lord’s Prayer from “give us this day our daily bread” to “give us this day our daily chicken.” and KFC will donate 10 million dollars to Catholic charities. The Pope declined. 2 weeks later the man approached the Pope again, this time with a 50 million dollar offer. Again the Pope declined. A month later the man offers 100 million, this time the Pope accepts. At a meeting of the Cardinals, The Pope announces his decision in the good news/bad news format. The good news is… that we have 100 million dollars for charities. The bad news is that we lost the Wonder Bread account!

Joke #7 – Last Request

An elderly woman died last month. Having never married, she requested no male pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions for her memorial service, she wrote, “They wouldn’t take me out while I was alive; I don’t want them to take me out when I’m dead.”