Socializing Tips for Interacting with an Autistic Child

Researching what autism is all about is a little mind boggling in the beginning. It is such a complex disorder in which virtually no two children will exhibit the same exact symptoms. There is no “typical” autistic child. However, they all share similar symptoms to varying degrees. One of the very common symptoms you will come across is social impairment. This generally means that a child with autism will struggle to interact with people in an appropriate manor.

In my experience with my son who is fighting autism, I have realized that when my own friends whom I have known for years first learned of his autism, they changed how they interacted with him. Before they learned of his disability, they interacted with him as though he were a ‘typical’ child, even though he responed slightly differently than most children his age. However, when I finally came out with his diagnosis, they not only stopped playing with him altogether but they actually began to talk to me about him as though he didn’t exist. It was strange. I was angry at first until I realized that it was probably due to the fact that most people just don’t know how to interact with an autistic person.

I took that thought to a whole new level when I thought about the idea of a stranger meeting my child, knowing that he has autism. For example, if you are a childcare worker at a daycare and a new child is enrolled into your program and the parent tells you that the child has autism, and you’ve had no previous experience- how would you learn to bond with that child? Many people do not realize that just because a child with autism struggles with interaction, it doesn’t mean that they are incapable of showing affection or having emotions.

Here are a few pointers based on my experience with autism:

Ask the parents
This is often an all too overlooked important step in successfully approaching a child with autism. No one should do much of anything with a child with autism until they have some very basic background information on their child. Ask questions about what causes sensory overload for the child, and what calms them down. What do they enjoy for hobbies or topics of interest? How old are they? Are they good with other kids? What is their demeanor like? Are they generally passive and gentle or do they often “fight” when they get stressed out? Do they like hugs? Do they have any tactile defensiveness? These questions and others are very important and could actually affect your safety depending on the type of child you are dealing with. What I mean by that is for example, some children bite or punch when they get stressed out. Certainly, it is something you will want to know about prior to approacing a child.

Engage Them
Engaging a child who has autism may be a challenge because as I stated before, each child is different. Some are agressive in nature some of the time, while others are passive. This will require some experimentation on your part. A lot of times, a child with autism will have an area of special interest like trains, airplanes, cars, fish, lights, certain kinds of sounds, mechanical things, puzzles, touch etc. In my experience, I have found it to be very helpful if you know in advance that you will be meeting a child with autism to have a “goodie bag” or boxes of miscellaneous items that can be used as “bait” to get the child focussed on something so you can learn more about them. I would place a box of various toys on a table or on the floor near the child and make noise on the box to draw their attention to it. Generally, a child with autism will not respond to their name much of the time, yet they are sometimes sensitive to sound so it causes them to draw their attention to that box. Then, just wait to see what they go for.

If Jonny picks up an airplane and has continued to play with it for an extended period of time, it is probably safe to assume that Jonny likes airplanes. So at that point you can say something like, “I love airplanes.”. Your interaction with each child will be different. The point here is that you are showing your interest in something that they also love. This will help to create a bond somewhere down the road if you try to show interest in the things they also enjoy. Even if a child fails to respond, talking to them is important for many reasons. It teaches them how to communicate. It teaches them empathy. It teaches them language basics etc.

Let this experience be free flowing. Let the child teach you about them. This way, you avoid risking making them feel dumb if you start talking like a baby to them and they feel insecure so that they will no longer want to communicate with you. If you wind up doing that, you’ll probably ruin any chance of forming a bond. The child themselves will let you know what level they are at.

Reinforce
A reinforcment is an idea that comes from an ABA therapy approach (which works beautifully for pretty much all children on the spectrum in my opinion). The general idea is that you reinforce a positive action in hopes to get the child to desire to do it again upon request and eventually spontaneously. If your initial goal is just to get a child to look at you, you might say, “look at me!”. If the child does not look, you could gently take their face in your hands and guide their face to look in the direction of your face (even if no eye contact is made). When the child follows your gentle physical guidance, you might praise them by saying, “Great job looking at me!”. This is important because not only are you getting what you want which is a very basic social skill, but it is also teaching them what “look at me” means (if they struggle with comprehension for example), while helping them experience the joy of success. Remember, ask the parents before you physically approach a child for the fist time since some kids may be set off by this physical guesture. It’s always a good idea to ask the parents what makes the child tick before you do this.

Other reinforcers are : High- five, stickers, hugs, a favorite toy or object (such as a beloved blankie), food (ask parents about diets), a game, outdoor fun, special trip to a favorite place, a movie, “money chips” which can be stored up to “purchase” a favorite reinforcer, playdough, coloring, painting, a favorite song, a favorite stimulatory activity (be careful with this one according to a child’s service plan since it may be a goal to eliminate stimulatory behavior), or a simple smile.

Floor time
This is a type of therapy that is credited to Dr.Stanley Greenspan in which you would get on the floor with the child vs sitting in your chair or standing up looking down on the child. This is beneficial because looking down on a child can often be intimidating to the child. You can use any of the tips that I mentioned above while implementing the Greenspan approach. This is a very successful method in our home.

Finally, there are many things you can do with a child to interact with them. Not all of these ideas are practical for every situation in which you might encounter an austic person. For example, if you see Suzie from high school who has her autistic son with her that you are meeting for the first time, chances are, you are not going to have your “goodie bag” with you or an hour to get to know the child. However, the most important thing is for people to realize that even though autistics generally struggle with social interaction, it doesn’t mean that their brain is broken and that they cannot comprehend any type of human interaction. Therefore, it is a nice guesture to try to acknowledge a child with autism even if they do not respond by just saying, “Hi, Matt! It’s so nice to meet you! My name is Jennifer, and this is my daughter, Sarah!”. This will also mean a lot to the parents.