Kid Rock Curbs His Drinking on Summer Tour W/ Sheryl Crow: I Tell Homeless Man on Curb to Stop Drinking

Kid Rock is supposedly curbing his drinking a little as he embarks on his summer tour with Sheryl Crow. Rock is 40-years old and plans to party less in order to maintain a healthier lifestyle. The Detroit rocker, flexing his ancient inherent wisdom, said: “Whatever your thing is — if it’s pills, cocaine, smoking weed — when you slow that down, which I’ve done a lot of, you’ve got to relearn how to drink.” That’s the hardest part, he says, and it’s hard to be able to go all night without those other drugs, and so on. “I still black out here and there,” Rock says, “but nothing too serious.”

I was walking to my local grocery store with Dragon Girl. Her nose still hasn’t fully recovered (and maybe it won’t), so she has it covered in muslin. Only her dull eyes show above the cloth. She normally wouldn’t cover her face, but I’m so disgusted by her blackened, dead chunk of nose that I dry heave whenever I see it.

Dragon Girl Gets Into Flesh Eating Cocaine, in case you don’t know the whole story. That chemically-cut powder is floating around Los Angeles. Be careful when you get yours.

We were walking along Western, approaching Wilshire. I needed a few things from the now infamous friendly, corporate neighborhood grocery store that frequently overcharges me for Brussels Sprouts and garlic cloves, but I never have the gall to go back and try to prove it. Read about the dangerous transvestite attack that happened at this grocery store. And if you’re sensitive to vicious, power-scooter riding transvestites, don’t read it, because I’ve been told the way I tell the story is very, very insensitive.

Back to Kid Rock, the summer tour with Sheryl Crow, and how his curbed drinking was used to make a very poignant life lesson to a man living in the Los Angeles gutter.

If you drive on Western and Wilshire much, you will be sure to eventually catch a small homeless man who carries around a piece of cardboard that reads: Need Money For Food. When the cars on Western are stopped at the Wilshire stoplight, he slowly walks between the cars, and systematically eyes every driver, pleading for money.

When he gathers up a few dirty dollar bills, he then goes to the nearest grocery store and buys a miniature bottle of vodka. He sits outside the store on the cement picnic tables and quaffs his little bottle as fast as he can. His sign is always tucked beneath his armpit. He loves that sign.

And then he passes out in the shade around the side of the large grocery store building. He usually reeks of piss.

I’d seen this joker pull this trick many times, and since I’d recently heard about Kid Rock’s new, healthier lifestyle, I thought this boozehead would maybe respect another drunkard, the famous Detroit rocker. Dragon Girl and I stood over the impoverished man and I told him, If Kid Rock can cut back on alcohol, so can you, you chicken-hearted, yellow-livered bum!

I was harsh with him, because that’s the only way a drunk will respect you. You worthless scum, I continued. Your sign should say Need Money For Rocket Fuel, not food. The man started crying and finished his vodka. A cheap brand. The cheapest.

If you don’t quit drinking, you’ll look like this. I motioned for Dragon Girl to unwrap her muslin shawl, which she did. The man backed away very quickly. He couldn’t take the sight of that charred nose. He sent up a prayer to Jesus.

Jesus will destroy you, if you don’t quit drinking!

The man’s curly-haired head bobbed as he walked backward like a chicken. He tripped and fell next to the curb. Other customers sitting outside the grocery store began gasping and asking questions about Dragon Girl’s festering nose.

You’ll lose yer nose! we shouted at him. You’ll lose yer nose!

I pulled out a tiny piece of paper with one of my favorite verses written on it from the Bhagavad Gita. Cover up, I said to Dragon Girl, I can’t take that nose any longer. I read to the drunk:

Drona, Bhisma, Jayadratha, Karna and all the other great warriors have already been destroyed by Me.

I let him stew on that for four seconds. And then:

Therefore, kill them and do not be disturbed. Simply fight, and you will vanquish your enemies in battle.

The man had passed out on the curb, but I’m confident his subconscious picked up the words.

Read about NBC’s Godlessness, and how one executive believes America is doomed.