Do You Want to Be an Overbearing Parent?

Parents love to make small talk at kids’ birthday parents. As a parent for the last 12 years and making the birthday party circuit now with my third child, I thought I had met every type of parent out there. At a recent birthday party, however, I met a parent who told me, “I may not be cool, but I want to be that overbearing parent that everyone else hates.” This surprised me for a moment, but her subsequent reasoning made sense. Or at least, it made a little sense…

Why You May Want to Be Overbearing

This particular mother told me that she was highly concerned about things like Facebook, sexting, bullying and more. These are justifiable concerns. Her own kids were only 2 and 5, so she was hopefully still several years away from being confronted face to face with these issues. My oldest, however, is 12, so I have a far different perspective. What this mother has been worrying about and is planning for years down the road are issues that we are already facing.

She had mentioned that if someone was bothering one of her kids at school, she had every intention of walking up to that child or knocking on his door, talking to his parents and confronting the situation head-on. This is admiral, and many parents who haven’t yet been faced with difficult situations may say that this is the right approach to take. I know I was included in that group years ago. Almost every mom has that mother bear instinct to protect her young, and some parents are more outspoken about it than others.

Why You May Want to Reconsider

However, over the years, we have dealt with a wide range of issues at school, and I have indeed taken the confrontational approach. The problem, however, is that other parents also have that mother bear instinct to protect their young. Even when you approach situations in the most delicate and tactful way possible, and even when you assume at least a portion of the blame with your own child’s actions, the fact is that most parents will view your confrontation as an attack on their child. They will become defensive, and many will lash out.

Keep in mind, also, that your kids will have to continue to spend their days with these kids at school. The child in question as well as friends and even those who simply heard about the incident will all pass judgment, and many will take a side. That side may not always be yours.

It is critical that you keep your eyes open and do actively monitor your kids’ activities. Stay on top of their lives, and keep up with what is happening to them as well as to their friends. Be active in the school as well as the community, and get to know the parents at your school. In this way, definitely be overbearing. However, whenever possible, it is often best to try to let the kids work through their issues. Talk to them about how to handle situations, and unless it is a serious issue, let them decide when you should get involved. If the issue happens at school, on a sports team or in another similar setting, talk to those in charge about the issue and let them work toward a resolution.

Monitoring is always beneficial, but there are often better resolutions available besides knocking on someone’s door and confronting them with accusations about their child’s behavior.

 

Here are a few other articles written by this author:

How Positive is Your Parenting?

Helping Your Kids Through Fights with Friends

Kids and Friend Drama: When to Step In