Bondage, Dominance, Submission, Masochism : Humiliation Vs Cruelty

Many individuals not in the BDSM lifestyle believe that once they see how a Dominant and submissive couple behave that the submissive, whether male or female, is being cruelly treated. I wanted to explain the line between and the safety measures that are taken by true couples living in this lifestyle.

First of all, I always reference the phrase safe, sane, and consensual. Although this may seem ironic when you think that within most BDSM couples there is pain, and humiliation involved. However prior to any serious relationship most couples I have spoken with have a contract written up and they discuss what the submissive and Dominant truly want and will handle out of the relationship. There are lists of sexual exploits that can be experienced but will only be broached when the submissive is ready or desires to do so. However there are times when the Dominant in the relationship will push the submissive boundaries to attempt to give pleasure to both, this is what the safe word is for.

A safe word is spoken of a lot however usually not enough importance is put on this little piece of BDSM. Understand that even when in a normal sexual relationship when you are getting hot and heavy it is very difficult to stop, now multiply that by 10 in intensity and expect the one in control to stop cold. However that is exactly what is expected and followed by true Dominants. The safe word is usually discussed heavily before any play is started and something like “Stop” is not a good word. A lot of couple use “red” for stop and “yellow” for a situation that is getting to be too much. However something completely inane sometime helps bring both parties back to reality like “grapefruit”. Once a safe word it uttered all play stops and should be discussed once both the Dominant and submissive have calmed down. Even the most hardcore masochists have a safe word because maybe they love pain to a fault but the humiliation is not their forte.
Many a BDSM couple involve humiliation in their play. Name calling is a classic way, but also performing in front of a crowd, wearing naughty clothes in public, or making the submissive detail how bad they are. There are many ways to humiliate and not one Dominant is usually the same on their belief of using or not using certain degrees of humiliating their submissive. Just like a standard couple you have women that love to have sex but not oral or love certain position and not others, this is the same idea for BDSM couples. However and this is a big one this is not permission to treat a submissive cruelly. There are limits to a submissive and they are all different and need to be discussed. If as a Dominant you love to verbally humiliate your submissive you have to find one that enjoys the same not make one forcefully endure it.

If you think on it seriously the submissive has a lot of control in this type of lifestyle even as they are giving all their decision making to their Dominant, because they can stop the play at anytime with just a word. So if you interested in this lifestyle do not endure something that does not bring pleasure to both parties because that is not what BDSM is about and just makes everyone miserable in the end.