The Importance of Common Courtesy

“Spelling counts!” “Neatness counts!” Remember these admonitions from your teachers in elementary school whenever they assigned a book report or essay? Now, in both the corporate world and in my everyday life I believe that there is another of these rules that can apply: Politeness counts.

Politeness, common courtesy, good manners; all of these phrases represent the politically correct and appropriately secularized versions of what the Christian community often refers to as “The Golden Rule.” Found in Luke 6:31 it says, “Do unto others as you would have them to do unto you.” But even if you are not particularly religious, showing common courtesy still carries quite a few benefits.

1. A Great Way to Avoid Conflict

When I was a senior in high school and a brand new driver I had an experience that quickly taught me the value of politeness.

My sister and I were about leave school one day and I accidentally shifted the car into reverse instead of drive. This momentary lapse resulted in my lightly tapping the car behind me before realizing my mistake. The other driver, a teen-aged boy, came rushing up to my window, shouting, “Did you just hit my car?”

Immediately I smiled sweetly, apologized profusely and said, “I hope I didn’t hurt it. Did I?” Amazingly, the previously red-faced bundle of testosterone was suddenly meek and calm. “No, its ok,” and with that my little sister and I were happily on our way; no harm, no foul. On the drive home, however, she remarked, “If you had been a guy he would have punched you.” She was probably right. And if I had been a rude girl, responding with the always snappy, “Yeah, I hit your car! What are you going to do about it?” things probably would have been much uglier as well.

2. A Great Way to Buy Time

I work as a research analyst in a corporate environment and often find myself faced with many arbitrary and sometimes unrealistic deadlines. On those rare occasions where I find that I’m unable to meet the project manager’s impossible demands I have discovered that a polite admission of guilt is often rewarded with a deadline extension.

Here’s how it works. About 48 hours before there is a scheduled deadline which I am pretty sure I’m going to miss I simply pick up the phone. “Hi, Joe! I’m working on those project requirements that are due on Wednesday. I’m so sorry, but I’ve run into a little snag. Would you mind terribly if we extend the date until Friday?”

The advanced warning, my polite and upbeat tone and the suggested alternate deadline works wonders. It is infinitely more successful than the “dodge and hide” technique I’ve observed being used by some colleague. They simply allow the deadline to pass with no explanation or warning and then refuse to respond to any attempts at communication from the Project Manager.

These scenarios always end badly, often with the offender, after finally being hunted down and cornered, angrily shouting something along the lines of, “Give me a (insert preferred expletive here) break! I’ve only got two hands!”

3. A Great Way to Bridge Gaps

In my work, church and family environments I often interact with people from very diverse backgrounds. Because of the widely varying educational, socioeconomic, generational and cultural differences, business and social gatherings are a veritable minefield of opportunities to offend. But being polite and courteous seems to make potentially awkward and volatile situations flow much more smoothly. Showing courtesy seems to “win over” the would-be critic and causes them to be more at ease and at least somewhat more open to my differing views and opinions.

4. A Great “Cost to Benefit” Ratio

Finally in these turbulent economic times most would argue that unnecessary strife and misunderstandings waste precious time and contribute added stress to our already high stress lives. Being polite, showing care and consideration towards others costs nothing, but the returns can be tremendous.