Categories: Parenting

Should Parents Add Kids’ Friends on Facebook?

Facebook and social networks are bubbles whose ramifications on relationships have yet to be defined. What’s appropriate and what’s not? There are grey areas in digital interactions, particularly with kids. One hot button topic is whether adults should add kids to their Facebook account. Is there anything wrong with parents “friending” their kids’ friends? There can be. Here’s how.

* Rules of engagement don’t change. Communication formats, even social mores may change, but common sense doesn’t. When I was a kid, letter writing and phone calls were the thing. Our parents didn’t want us communicating with people outside our age group. Had a friend’s parent routinely contacted me by phone, my parents would have thought it weird and nixed it.

* Adult posting aren’t always appropriate for kids. Adults post things on Facebooks that kids shouldn’t read: drug or sexual references, cursing or violence. Granted, maybe no one should post those, but we’re adults. If we don’t like someone’s post, we don’t read or unfriend. Kids’ moral compasses are still developing. Exposing them to “adult” images desensitizes. It sets a bad example. Some kids are already too-fascinated with unhealthy things. Seeing adult posts makes it look okay.

* Adult conversations aren’t kid-friendly. Kids’ filters aren’t fully in place yet. Posts of negativity, stalking, drama, name-calling, fighting, bigotry, rants, depression, addiction, abuse, even suicide–adults can discuss these things. This kind of talk terrorizes kids and teens. Even if you don’t post things like this, adult friends may.

* Can and should aren’t the same. Many schools don’t allow teachers to add students as friends. This protects kids and adults. This isn’t because the school believes teachers will hurt kids. Schools want to err on the side of caution. I’m not even comfortable with teachers texting kids. If they want to communicate homework or announcements, school websites have blog functions. There’s no need for social interaction outside class. These same rules apply to adults and parents.

* Adult-kid friendships send up red flags. As a mom, I’m uncomfortable with adults who have many kid friends. Can you “friend” kids? Sure. Should you? Let me answer with two questions. Why would you? If you know kids personally, talk to them in person. Would you want your child interacting with adults, especially those you don’t know? There’s no real benefit and lots of potential harm. Unfortunately, our world isn’t safe. Trusted people hurt children. I knew a youth group leader with many kid Facebook friends. Adults admired how popular he was. This man, with a family, was arrested for sexual encounters with a teenager.

Social networking is best managed between people of same ages.