Roommates: Parents and Their Adult Children

There are many reasons why adult children move back in with their parents. Called the boomerang generation, researchers have tracked the growing phenomenon since the mid-1990’s. Adult children many times leave their parents home after high school to attend college. After working for a couple of years, they end up back home in order to pay off their bills and save to buy a house.

Although earlier generations lived and worked together, in the mid-twentieth century it was understood that children would finish their schooling, obtain work, get married, and live on their own.

Now, due to the recent economic meltdown and housing market collapse, either parents are requesting help from their adult children, or young married couples are finding they can no longer finance their homes or have lost their jobs. Cohabitation between the generations quite often provides the answer to a desperate situation.

When two or more generations live together under the same roof, it becomes obvious ground rules should be established. Whether the adult child requests to move back in until bills are caught up and a down payment on a house is saved, or parents are on the verge of losing their home if they do not receive help, the challenge of two or more sets of adults is often daunting.

Here are a few guidelines that can help families co-exist under one roof.

Of those who have successfully lived together, the majority say cohabitating works best when the families live like roommates, minding their own business and maintaining their own privacy. It helps when families can agree in advance regarding household purchases, cleaning responsibilities, bills, and performing routine chores such as meals and laundry.

Other very important considerations to discuss are who is in charge of the household, and how to divide the space. Some families have a basement area that can convert into an apartment, while others have remodeled a garage or added on an extra so-called mother-in-law studio space. Many families do not have those options and are living together in a much smaller area.

Personal privacy is of utmost importance

Respect for each other’s privacy is important. People should enter another person’s space only when invited. In most houses, if a door to an area is closed, that means the person wants to be left alone. Everyone should honor that request.

Try to build good communication skills and provide constructive support to one another rather than verbally tear each other apart. Living together after being on his or her own is difficult for everyone.

Unless agreed upon ahead of time, parents and grandparents are not built in babysitters. Nor are they responsible for taking care of other family members pets.

Financial matters and household rules

House rules and a financial budget should help keep disagreements at a minimum. Some families establish a written contract so that everyone understands what their responsibilities are, whether financial or physical. Such topics could include how to divide unexpected household expenses such as repairs or damage, shared resources such as family computer or TV, how to handle overnight guests, and whether drugs and alcohol are allowed in the home.

Some families set specific schedules for showers and bathroom use through the workweek; specific kitchen cooking times, scheduled laundry room use, and other shared space rules.

Many families have successfully made the transition, albeit not always smoothlintergenerationaltional roommates. Family members can dwell on the inconveniences, or they can focus on the positive aspects of living under one roof. They can acknowledge the good deeds each performs, and, as always, thank you is the most powerful word anyone can utilize.

After decades of separation, during these difficult economic times, generations are now coming back together. With wisdom, open discussion, household rules, and respect for one’s privacy, many families are finding they enjoy the opportunity to bond with other family members. In the meantime, with a smile and a wink, acknowledging they hope the situation is temporary.

Resources:

1. Adults Living With Parents, www.debtsmart.com

2. You Can Go Home Again, www.seattlepi.com

3. Hard Times Drive Kids Back ‘Home’, www.aarp.org