Categories: Parenting

Relationships: Definition of Passion

Who needs passion? Men. If a man does not have passion, his eyes along with his other parts will seek it elsewhere. As women, we can vocalize what we want or what is lacking quite well. Not all men are that vocal. Take some time and go to sites specializing in secret affairs and adultery; you will read that nearly every potentially straying man is looking for passion.

Passion is different from love. It takes two parts. The first part is perception. Use the little quirks about your man to stimulate his mind. This lets him know that you understand and accept him. The same traits you expect from him. The second part is arousal. If you can determine his quirks, you can also determine what arouses him. Use his quirks or lose him. Should he have an idiosyncrasy you cannot deal with, that’s a sign to either find another quirk or find another man.

Passion is perception to arouse.

Passion is needed in all sexual relationships. When one or both partners feels that it is lacking, it can easily be fixed. But, do not think that passion excludes sex. Sex must be involved. Even if it is nonphysical sex, e.g., phone, email, letters, notes. You want to evoke ardor.

So leave the “I Love You” or “Love, Such and Such” out of it. Simply Red; Otis Redding; if the man does not know you love him, you have bigger issues and it is not that your relationship is lacking passion. So sign your message with a symbol. Sign with a kiss. Attach a picture of your body part that you know he likes. The goal is to sign it passionately. Then follow through with actions that require minimum preparation.

For example, if you have a boyfriend who loves smoking a cigarette and drinking beer at the end of the day – that’s a perception. Should he also find a pair of old pajamas, ones that should have been trashed years ago, sexy – that’s perception. If you still do not have an idea on what to do with these perceptions: put on the pajamas, straddle him in an armless chair, and tell him if he quits smoking, drinking, or puts down either, you will stop your actions.

(Passion does not need kissing on the lips each time. Use your lips elsewhere.) And if you really want the pajamas to be trashed, in the process encourage him to rip them, or you can rip them. Afterwards he will understand that the pajamas will need to be trashed. A twofold scoring!

Even if you are a married woman with four to six kids, you can still bring passion into your marriage. Joy Behar (the Bette Midler look alike on The View) may have a problem with parents spanking their kids; but that can be good should your man prefer to get spank. If your man enjoys watching or reading erotica, use it. Why is it okay for women to read romance novels by Nora Roberts to Beatrice Smalls, but because the published erotica for guys lacks verbiage the reaction is “Ewwww” or considered lewd?

For a novice woman, if you like the taste of strawberry or peanut butter, think of your partner as the slice of bread. Or, for a simpler act, try pushing him on the bed or against the wall and using him like the piece of meat. A man likes to feel that a woman is attracted to his body.

See also Chaos (2005) - a Movie Review

Say he loves movies or shows with Sofía Vergara , Halle Berry, Anne Hathaway, Scarlett Johansson, or Christina Hendricks – use it. I admit to watching certain television shows or movies because of certain male actors. I use their physical abilities to detach from my day and my boyfriend encourages it. Granted he will sit next to me to remind me how ugly or gay each guy is; but, he knows that in the movie AVP , I like the Predator’s athleticism; in Transporter , I like Jason Statham’s flexibility; or in Transformers , Optimus Prime’s voice gets to me (a childhood fantasy).

These are tools that speed up the winding down process and help to refocus my mind towards a more physical activity for release from life’s obligations. These actions are different from quality time or him providing me alone time to read, listen, or shop; sex is excluded. So those are not passionate actions.

Seriously, why do you think a good-looking man would marry or partner with an ugly woman? Why would a good-looking woman marry or partner with an ugly man? Answer: Passion. Some women or romantics would say, “Love.” No, it’s passion. Through all the obligations of life, there has to be one underlining emotion that pulls two people together. Because every relationship will get to a point where the emotion of love will be questioned. The true answer will always be found in remembering selfless actions involving idiosyncrasies.

In a relationship, women can remember details of locations; nice, rude, and comical gestures; smells; weather; stars; cloud shapes; etc. Men at any age can remember details of P-A-S-S-I-O-N. Men tend to include how pretty or beautiful a woman was to make the woman feel good. Yet, when a man say a woman was/is sexy, he is really acknowledging how passionate she was and still is. It is the emotion that bases love.

We as women just forget to “bring it” sometimes. We can get inundated. We have work, kids, extended family, and other obligations to tend. Yet, we have to understand that men also have work, kids, family and other obligations. (If the man does not and there is an issue with passion, maybe as a couple you both need to re-evaluate your obligations.)

You shouldn’t be expected to be sexy or attractive all of the time. And you should definitely not expect him to be sexy or attractive all of the time. You do not wake up wrinkle free, wearing silk lingerie, hair coiffed, with breath smelling like a York Peppermint Patty. And neither does he.

It is not as if you go through each day looking as attractive as you were during the initial stages of dating. And let’s face it, the “pajamas” that were worn at the beginning of the relationship, are neatly tucked in a drawer or are non-existent in lieu kids, work, time constraints, and weight gain – be honest.

So don’t be hypocritical and expect romance, affection, companionship, and a host of emotional-based needs; and then neglect to provide the one critical trait that a man needs in a relationship. Passion.