Categories: Parenting

My Son is Being Bullied: One Mom’s Story

I have a beautiful, smart, funny 7 year old boy. (I am excluding his name from this article to protect his identity). He’s the kindest person, and wants to be friends with everyone he meets. He loves to talk about anything and everything to anyone who will listen. It makes me happy that he still has his childhood innocence, but at the same time, I am sad because this innocence he still has is causing him great pain. My amazing, friendly son is a constant target for bullies, mainly older bullies.

Why would any child want to cause harm and pain to another person? My son has never done anything to hurt anyone. He’s seven years old. He still watches cartoons, likes to color in coloring books, and plays with his younger brother and sister. For some reason, because he isn’t cussing, back talking us, and has manners, he doesn’t fit in properly with his peers. He’s seven. He should be allowed to be an innocent child.

When he was six years old, yes, I said six years old, he was at the bus stop 2 doors down the street with the older children who catch the bus at the same stop. He usually goes alone because it is only two doors down, and I have 2 other children at home that I can’t take to the bus stop with me. He had always tried to talk to the bullies and tried to be their friends, but they just sniggered at his attempts at conversation. One day, one of the bullies thought it would be funny to shank him. For those that don’t know what shanking is, it involves pulling someone’s pants down. Yes, that is correct; these boys, fifth grade boys, thought it would be hilarious to approach a six year old, first grade boy and pull his pants down. And they did.

My son was so humiliated. He went to school crying and asked the teacher if he could go home. I talked him into staying at school, and when he got home from school, he told me what happened. The next morning, I walked with my son to the bus stop, got the names of the bullies from the bus driver, and called the principal. She met the bus at the front of the school and intercepted the boys before they could go to their classrooms. A few days later, one of the boys came down to our house with his father to apologize to my son. Apparently, the boy had learned about shanking from his older brother, who was in middle school. I looked him square in the eyes and told him, “All he wanted was for you to like him. He wanted to be your friend, so in return, you humiliated him.”

This year is no different. We are dealing with yet another bully; a child from my son’s very classroom has been harassing him. Over Christmas break, my son was showing a friend on his bus a Christmas card shaped like Rudolph he had made to give to us. This child grabbed my son’s card out of his hand and proceeded to rip one of Rudolph’s antlers off his head. This child is constantly telling my son that he doesn’t like him and that he is weird. Once, he punched my son in his eye because he was in “his” seat on the bus! This is an ongoing battle with this bully, because it seems that principal and parental intervention only makes the attacks on my son worse.

Why are children so cruel? What provokes these attacks? It is appalling when children are targeted for being different. How are they supposed to learn to be true to themselves, to be themselves and not conform to social standards when in being different, it makes them nothing but targets for bullies? What can we as parents do to prevent bullying?

Children learn behavior patterns from their parents. A child who sees their parents manipulating others, or using racial slurs will be more likely to use these same tactics in social situations. It is the parent’s responsibility first and foremost to teach their children to respect everyone and how to respect people, and that making fun of other children to make themselves feel better is not the way to go. If your child is a bully, some type of counseling may be required to stop the behavior.

We can teach our children at home to be tolerant of everyone, regardless of color, race, or religion, but is it enough?