Introducing: The Kill Chris H! Chocolate Ratings

For years many of us have been misled either by fancy packaging, price, or the media when it comes to what the finest chocolate really is. These factors often play a part in what we choose to try in addition to known favorites. Well, I’m here to cut through all the nonsense and let you know what the best stuff out there really is so that you don’t waste your time or money on anything less than top quality. As someone who’s tried many types of chocolate candy, I kind of feel obligated to do this. There are some products out there that you just need to try. This form of rating system is just a starting point as I plan to give the most deserving products proper reviews in the future. I will be using a star rating system with one being the lowest and five being the high point. Obviously, the well known classics like Hershey’s Special Dark need not be reviewed but will be listed as a reference to provide perspective to you, the soon to be enlightened reader. On to the fun…

Dilettante: Raspberry Truffle Cremes: – 5/5
Although this product deserves a full-blown review, I would kind of feel like I’m spoiling it for those who have yet to discover the most delightful chocolate truffle out there, so I’ll keep this (as well as the other mini reviews) minimal. Raspberry happens to be my favorite (chocolate and raspberry is my personal favorite flavor combination overall) but Dilettante truffle cremes also come in other flavors such as mint and peanut butter but raspberry is the clear main event. Seriously, your new priority in life to try this.

Ritter Sport: Dark Chocolate with Marzipan- 4.5/5
Most of us would roll our eyes and smirk a little while reading a wrapper which states, “made with 100% finest marzipan.” Well Sweetie, Ritter Sport lives up to it. The only thing holding this back from a perfect 5 is the chocolate itself which could be improved upon slightly.

Milka: Milk Chocolate Confection with Hazelnuts/Toffee- 4/5
A top quality chocolate bar similar to Hershey’s Symphony but perhaps a half step above. It’s really tough to differentiate between what I personally like better in terms of toffee or hazelnut but if I HAD to pick, I’m going with toffee. Toffee is just one of those things in life that I have just always enjoyed, however the chopped hazelnut pieces work SO well in this Milka bar that you just can’t lose.

Hagensborg: Truffle Pig- Dark Peppermint- 3.25/5
The shape of these made me want to like them more than I actually did. They’re pig-shaped, I would love to put a pig-shaped truffle atop this list. The truffle filling can be a little on the firm side but the chocolate itself is definitely top quality. I mean, I still love them, I’m just not in love with them.

Lindt: Lindor Milk Chocolate Truffles- 2.5/5
Lindor truffles definitely stand out as they are extremely smooth, carving a niche as the softest/creamiest truffles on the market. They also happen to be widely available. They can be really creamy though -almost obnoxiously creamy- both in taste and texture. That may not be such a bad thing though, depending on your personal preference.

Dove: Almond Dark Chocolate Promises – 3.5/5
For years, Dove has been easing those sensitive to dark chocolate bitterness into the genre by making an incredibly appealing, smoother than average dark chocolate. As most chocolate does, it goes great with almonds. The dark/white chocolate swirl is another must-try option.

Peeps: Peepsters: Rich Dark Chocolate Marshmallow Creme – 4/5
Items like this inspired this whole thing. Many of us chocolate sluts would probably be put off by the Peeps logo on the package since they’re a brand associated with those marshmallow birds and bunnies that we’ve slowly grown out of over the years. For whatever reason, they’ve been capable this whole time of a delicious chocolaty, marshmallowy combination that’ll make your nips sing. Please don’t let your pretentiousness get the best of you and give these puppies a try. Peeps has no business making a product this amazing.

Hamlet: Chocolate Flaked Truffles- 3/5
Have a napkin handy as the thin flakes will melt and make a mess of your fingers on contact. The taste is pleasant and the texture is smooth, leaning a bit on the softer end but not to the offensive levels of Lindor. Better yet, eat them with a fork. These things are obscenely messy. Ugh.

Godiva: Dark Chocolate with Orange- 2.5/5
I know Godiva tends to be popular with the media but the jury’s out on them as far as my experience goes. They seem to have some solid options out there that I look forward to trying and adding to the list. I have a feeling that positive updates are coming.

World’s Finest: Any- 1.25/5
Stop supporting their fund-raisers. Not that I want the company to die; I just want them to improve and somehow make their company name a little less misleading.

Other ratings:
Hershey’s Symphony- 3.5/5
Cadbury: Fruit and Nut- 3/5
Whitman’s: Sampler Assortment box- 2.5/5
See’s: Almond bar- 2.25/5
Russell Stover: Mint Patty- 2.25/5
Hershey’s: Special Dark- 2/5
Nestle: Milk Chocolate bar- 2/5
Palmer: Caramel- 1.5/5
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Dilettante thus far takes the lead as the top brand out there. This system however is sure to evolve as I’m still trying to decide how specific to get with the products. Who am I to say that the raspberry version is better than mint or even coffee, which may never appear on the list due to a personal distaste for coffee in general? The point is to steer you in the right direction. Perhaps you are a major coffee fan and prefer to try that flavor over what I have recommended. Updates to the list may just list for example: “Dilettante Truffle Cremes” or “Milka Chocolate Confections” as a whole. You may or may not agree with my chocolaty opinions or ratings and if I insulted your favorites, I apologize. Also, you need new favorites.