How to Write Thank You Notes

Writing thank you notes is a great habit to have, and it is truly a lost art today. The following article will offer some pointers on how to make the givers of gifts know you really appreciate their thoughtfulness. And we really should let them all know!

1) Do the prep work.

As soon as something occurs that necessitates a thank you note, write it down. It is horrible to forget if the blue sweater came from Aunt Janice or Mom, or if it was even a blue sweater at all. Or perhaps you want to thank your in-laws for a nice weekend visit; this will help you make sure that you don’t forget to include something about the lobster dinner they fed you. Have a special piece of paper or a notebook ready for such notes. This is definitely the first, most important step. Once you’ve written this bit of information down, you have committed yourself to writing a thank you note, and if you do not, your own handwriting will stare at you and fill you with feelings of shame.

2) Make it personal.

First of all, know who you are writing to. Second of all, know what you are thanking the person(s) for. If you have been successful at Step 1 above, then this will not be a problem for you.

Lately I have received a thank you note calling me “Mrs.” when I am not much older than the bride to whom I’d given a gift. I’m not trying to be overly picky, and I appreciated the thank you note, but I was pretty sure that she had no idea who I was.

This, however, I am picky about: when you are faced with a mass amount of thank you notes to write, please try your absolute hardest not to sink so low as to print out a generic thank you that does not specify what the gift was. In other words, say, “Thank you so much for the waffle iron,” rather than “Thanks for the gift.” In the case of weddings, the givers have taken the time to search your registry or go out on a limb in choosing your gift, and they deserve the courtesy of knowing that you, for at least the moment that you tossed the tissue paper aside, knew what it was that they picked out. I would rather have someone thank me for the wrong gift than get the generic note. At least I then know that they were trying!

Making it personal also means that you elaborate about what the gift means to you; for instance, tell the receiver that the waffle iron is wonderful because it reminds you of your first date with your now-husband when you went to Waffle World and split their breakfast special. Or tell Aunt Janice how much you like the blue sweater because it will be nice and cozy during the winter. Better yet, send a picture of you in your blue sweater. Or tell the in-laws that the lobster dinner was extra special because you never get to eat lobster at home, but that what made it just perfect had to do with the company at the table. All of these are just silly examples, but this leads me to the next step.

2) White lies are okay.

I do try my best not to lie, and will actually admit in a thank you note if I have taken back a gift to exchange it for something else that I like better. When I give a gift, I don’t mind at all if the receiver exchanges it for something that he or she prefers better; in fact, I try to always include a receipt. But sometimes this is not so easy to admit without fearing that you might hurt someone’s feelings. (Please take note: Never be honest if you have received a homemade gift that you find intolerable. “As if I’d ever do that!” you say. But never allow yourself to reveal a glimpse of these feelings. White lies are ideal for these situations.)

The blue sweater might be from beloved Aunt Janice, yet it has a gaudy felt Santa on the front. You will never wear it, but you don’t have the heart to throw it away. So you say, “I will think of you every time I see it.” Actually, that isn’t such a lie. Every time I clean out my closet and I see the lonely sweater hanging in the back corner collecting dust and taking up precious space, I will think of you, Aunt Janice.” Just leave out those details.

Or if you get two of the same item, there is no need to let either giver know, unless it is comfortable to do so. If you can return one, do so, and think of both givers every time you use the one that you kept.

And you never have to let your in-laws know that you have a mild allergy to lobsters and woke up with hives on your neck the next morning.

Basically, just use your best judgment and make the giver feel special. After all, it truly is the thought that counts, not the gift itself. And you want to make the giver know how much you appreciate that thought.

3) Use humor if possible.

People do like to smile a lot; this is pretty much a given. If you can make someone chuckle, more power to you. So, add some humor if you can.

4) Hand-write it (but write legibly!). Snail mail is classier!

Granted, emails are better than nothing. And phone calls are great. But sending out a real, paper thank you note is the ideal thing to do. Don’t you love going to your mailbox and seeing a personal note between the cable bill and credit card solicitations?

5) Choose nice quality thank you notes.

No need to spend a ton of money. But put some thought into how you want to represent yourself. Do you want your initials on the front? Flowers? Puppies? Plain white with a silver embossed THANK YOU written on the front?

6) Get other thankful persons to add on.

If the gift is not just to me but to my whole family, I love to get my husband to add a little one-liner at the end of my thank you notes. Better yet, sometimes he writes half. Or if you have kids, a little crayon scribble drawing of theirs or a handwritten name is a wonderful touch. An added bonus to letting your child help is that you instill in them the importance of being a thankful person.

7) Don’t stress about it.

Stress causes you to procrastinate, and in the end you may just skip doing the thank you notes all together. If you worry that you are not the best writer, relax. Your notes will be just fine; they certainly don’t have to be perfect. Simply letting someone know that you are genuinely thankful is all that is needed, and anyone can read that between the lines.