BDSM – How to Dominate a Submissive, Even when You Are a New Dominant

I have seen many new Dominants struggle with the fact that no one takes them seriously when they start out. Yes, they still have no idea what is going on, but dominance is sometimes a natural phenomenon. I have found myself in the presence of men that did not even identify as dominants that made me quiver with their natural power. Yes, there are other things like learning the techniques, getting to know the toys and getting a mentor to help that all help to hone skills, but dominance is dominance and can be used from day one if you do it correctly. Here are a few tips for the new dominant to create a loving relationship or a successful play partnership.

Remember that Rome was not built in a day and that your relationship with a new submissive will not ripen overnight, even though it might feel like it does so much quicker than any vanilla relationship you have had. Patience is a virtue and you need to take it slow to create that perfect scene or the perfect relationship. If you do this at the right tempo, she or he will not go anywhere.

Know that we all started somewhere and by acknowledging that you need some help with basic techniques and toys, you endear yourself to others. Rather than hurt someone, go see a mentor together and learn together or have her or him teach you. There is no shame in a submissive teaching you. In fact, the submissive will probably give you lots of insight with regards to the psychology of the submissive. You should also try some of the things on yourself to understand what it feels like.

Be humble. Do not strut around like a fool. People will see you for the fake you are. You are not God’s gift to every submissive and not all of them need to treat you with the respect you think you deserve. Be careful to not let your ego kill any chances you might have of building a relationship or getting a new play partner.

When you communicate honestly with prospective submissives, you will find that a lot of them will want to walk the path of D/s or M/s or even SM with you. You need to get to know a submissive so well that you can use the way they think to dominate them more effectively. This takes two people too, since no one will open up to someone who does not know how to be open and honest him or herself.

Be sensitive to your new partner’s wants and needs. Be aware of your own wants and needs and know where to find the balance. If you like whipping and she doesn’t, then you could always start off slower by doing some flogging in a sensual way. This way you fulfill some of your needs and you take hers or his into account too. She will be more likely to play with you again if you show that it is not only about you for you.

You need to be devious too. Know that you always end the scene before the submissive has had enough. You want the person to come back to you and beg to play again. You also need to take into account that not enough might be too much on some days as the submissive’s body would sometimes protest something today that was fantastic yesterday. Know that limits change and that sometimes a submissive wants more even when you think it was enough. Keep track of the scene and learn to read the submissive through odor, taste and posture. The odor of a submissive in subspace or close to it is sometimes slightly metallic. That is why you never want a submissive to wear perfume or body oils when you play.

Remember that you are here to dominate the submissive. Be firm and self-assured. Know what you want and do not apologize for wanting it. State your wants and needs clearly and clarify it should the sub not understand. Discipline transgressions consistently and make sure that you do what you say when you said you would. Use your voice and hand gestures and make sure that rules are established and that they are followed.

You need to make sure that you are physically able to play. For this you need some strength, fitness and agility some times. Make sure that you do not use drugs or alcohol when you play, as you need to be completely aware of the environment and the submissive much more so than she or he needs to be. Have fun though and enjoy the journey. I am sure these tips will help. These tips are generic though and you will find them all over. Remember that wisdom lies in the oft-repeated phrases.