BDSM Guide to the First Date

A question I come across a lot is whether it is safe to play on your first meeting. Many people have given an emphatic no to this question, but I believe that if you do the things I am going to list for you here that you could scene and still be safe. I remember going through the safe process of meeting a few times and still being hurt badly, so one can never be certain that you will be safe.

The first thing is to make sure that you do not just meet after the first contact online – take your time and get to know the person you will be playing with. Make sure that you ask the right questions and look for all the red flags already given to you in my article: http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/937593/bdsm_relationships_the_responsible.html?cat=7.

You need to make sure that you have a safe call and set it up as follows. Make sure the dominant or submissive knows that you will be doing a call every 30 to 40 minutes. Make sure that you have the telephone number of the person you are meeting with and if you are going to a hotel or motel, that you call your safe call person to give them the room number and name of the hotel or motel. Make sure you have a copy of the person’s driver’s license or passport and that your safe call has that information on hand in case you need to use it. Take someone with you if you feel the need to do so – preferably someone who can drive you and wait for you outside if they must. Being in subspace or just dropping from it is no safe state to drive in. Tell your safe call person to call you if the phone has not rang every 30 to 40 minutes and stop your scene immediately if your potential dominant or submissive does not want you to answer the phone.

Make sure that you have condoms with you should the scene end in sex. I know that we all hope that we will not go there and that we see ourselves as morally superior to someone who does that. After all BDSM is not about sex in any way, so we won’t go there. Take the condoms and if you do not feel comfortable with going there, stop the scene with the appropriate safe word. If the person does not allow you the use of condoms, grab your clothes and run even before the sex starts – bare back is not safe and better to have a bad scene and not be HIV positive than good sex and a death sentence.

In the beginning we are all so terribly excited that we have found other people like ourselves that we tend to not have any patience and anyone who wants to play with us is perfect. Do not be like pacman and just gobble everything up. There are ghosts in the machine. We say to ourselves that play will not happen and it does. It is in moments like these that we wish that safe calls had been organized and that we had done things right. Do not the mistake of not following the safety precautions because you are sure you aren’t going to play. Always have it in mind that anything can happen and be prepared for the “worst”.