Dealing with defiant teens can be frustrating. You want the best for your child, but how do you guide him in the right direction when he’s obviously off track? And how do you know when a teen is just going through a phase or when he needs outside help? In this article, you will learn three important tips for progressively getting back the child that you know and love and how to help a teen who you can’t seem to make an impact on.
First, you must understand that defiant teens’ behavior is a function of brain development and hormones. Adolescence is a time of neuronal pruning and brain reconstruction. During this time, the brain gets rid of entire neural networks and builds the prefrontal cortex, which is that part of the brain that once fully developed, allows young adults to make healthy choices.
Problem is during the teen years, your child’s brain goes out the window. This is why formally responsible kids can suddenly start making shockingly poor choices. Couple this with the surge of hormones during adolescence and you get behaviors like disrespect, aggression and teen defiance. Choices made while in a rebellious state can be a recipe for disaster for kids and the parents who are responsible for them.
As parents, we know full well that decisions made during the teen years can affect a person for their entire life. For instance, the decision to make good grades can be the springboard to college and the ability to earn a good living at a satisfying career and support a loving family. The choice to dropout can lead to a lifetime of low paying jobs and barely scraping by.
We love our kids, but defiant teens and their choices frighten us and make us worried about their future. Below are three tips that will help. (Note these tips apply to teens who get along with people most of the time, not with teens who are chronically mean-spirited and rebellious. Read to the end of the article to learn how to get help for this type of teenager.)
Of course, these suggestions will only work with kids who are basically good kids, but act like defiant teens from time to time. For kids that have been diagnosed with oppositional defiant disorder, you need a different tact. These kids have adopted a behavioral style that is chronically negative and combative. Even if your teen has not been diagnosed with this condition, but he shows this teen behavior, you should get help.
Don’t wait because as your teen grows in stature, strength and psychological power, this behavior usually worsens, so it’s important to get help now. Studies have shown that this type of teen behavior can even lead to criminal behavior in adulthood. The solution for a defiant teens is to get them into therapy or use an at-home behavioral program that will teach you the skills to help your teenager turn his life around. The benefits of a behavioral program is that it creates measurable changes in behavior and is a tool that you can use to educate yourself, so you’ll know what to do when your teen acts out.
Another possibility, although a lot more drastic is military school or teen boot camp, but most parents consider this only as a last resort.
As parents, we love our kids and want the best for them. That’s why we must pay attention to the cues that our teens give us and learn when they just need patience, limits and guidance and when defiant teens require outside help.
Laura Ramirez is an advocate who helps troubled kids get their lives back on track with an at-home behavioral modification program called Total Transformation which was developed by a therapist who was once a troubled teen himself.
She is also the award-winning author of the parenting book, Keepers of the Children: Native American Wisdom and Parenting which teaches parents how to raise kids to develop their strengths and lead fulfilling, productive lives.
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