Categories: Parenting

Using a Behavior Chart for Your Children

If you have small children, you understand how important it is to raise them to be responsible adults. It’s tough in today’s world of children who want to grow up too fast. Things are a lot different than they were 20 years ago, but we just have to deal with that and do the best we can. Many kids are spoiled and just don’t have to “earn” anything anymore. They don’t have consequences for their actions. It’s our job as parents to make sure our children know what life is all about.

A great way to do this is to start teaching this when they’re very young. I know kids don’t have the time to just be kids anymore, but they really can. They just need to learn what the limits are. Many adults think that kids just want their way all the time. While this is partially true, they seem to respect you more if you set limits. They need guidance at young ages and that will never change.

I have found that using a point chart for our children works wonderfully! This is a great way for kids to visually see what they can earn and/or lose as an effect of a specific behavior. Don’t worry about how old your child is because I would say start at 3-4 years old. For our 9 year old, we have it all written out, while for our 5 year old; there are words and pictures to help him understand the chart a little better.

A great way to get this to work is to get your kids involved in making the list. Let them have some input in their rewards and discuss how many points it should cost them. Don’t make the rewards something that’s an everyday thing, but instead something a little different and fun for them. For examples, some things we have for rewards are to stay up 30 minutes past bedtime on school night or an hour on weekends. We also have some that include picking a movie to watch for movie night, picking what’s for dinner, or even getting to take a trip to the pet store. Remember, this will all be customized to your child and your life. As far as our family goes, we are into the fishkeeping hobby, so the pet store fits into our lifestyle quite easily.

We also have consequences for negative behavior as well. They lose points for these behaviors and if they have too many of these negative points, they will also lose something else. If they lose a certain amount, they will go to bed 30 minutes early, lose so much television time, or even lose television for a full evening.

The chart may take a little while to take effect, but it will. We have one child who’s ADHD and ODD and this took a little longer for it to really sink in for him. He kept asking if we could get rid of the chart but he found out that without that chart, he didn’t have the freedom of his rewards as much. This is a great way to really help them think about the choices they are making and what will happen if they make a certain choice, whether it’s a good or bad choice.

We add up points at the end of each night. If it’s positive, they can spend the points the following day or they can save the points for a bigger reward. In our oldest son’s room, we have taped the chart on the wall, as well as the chart of rewards and consequences. This way, he always knows exactly what will happen regarding a certain behavior. We give him extra opportunities for more points if we have special chores that need done, so he’s been willing to help more around the house. He’s learning so much about life in general from this method.

Another positive thing that comes from this is that your child now will follow the chart. They don’t feel so much like you’re telling them what to do all the time. They have the chart in writing that they helped create so they can “blame” the chart if need be. This really does work. It may take a little bit of time, but if you have faith in the system, your child will as well. Give it a try and remember not to expect perfection, as none of us are. Children will have “off” days no matter what their personality is.