The Good, the Bad, and the Drunk: A Users Guide to Rum

Have you ever found yourself out on the high seas craving a nice drink of rum and then when someone passes the bottle your way and you take that long swig you’ve been waiting for you’re punched in the teeth with some bastard’s poor excuse for rum that tastes more like gasoline? Well, maybe not, but regardless every seafaring scallywag or land wobblers should take it upon himself to learn how to distinguish a good rum from something that is only suitable for use as lighter fluid. Whether your profession takes you out on the seven seas or you’re more likely to be entertaining men and women with suits and briefcases it is vital you are armed with the right knowledge in choosing good rum.

Let us start with the standard by which all rims are measured, trusty old Captain Morgan. Captain Morgan is one of the few types of liquor any good collection should always stay stocked with. It is the most widely known rum through out the seven seas and easily mixed with Coca-Cola or can be served on the rocks. Typically not as smooth as most rum it is best served with coke and a dash of grenadine. Its wide circulation and modest price at just under $20 a bottle make it a favorite for any sailor. Captain Morgan also offers its Private Stock which for a few dollars more it is a great investment. Its taste is a little more smoother and rich making it more enjoyable on the rocks. Private Stock also comes in a very decorative and convenient bottle; I use my empties for collecting loose change and housing my own home-brewed rum. Captain Morgan has also introduced a new flavor Tattoo, which is a darker rum that has a sweet taste and is excellent with coke. Whenever in doubt Captain Morgan is a most honorable choice and at around $20 a bottle for most varieties you won’t have to go digging into your buried treasure.

Next stop on our rum crusade, Planters Gold:Pyrat XO Reserve and the immortal Pyrat Cask 23. Pyrat XO is rum so exquisite that once you have tasted it you will never go back to drinking rum and coke. Its aroma and taste are only matched by its remarkable smoothness. While most rums are a delight to drink Pyrat XO will make you wont to quit your day job and go off sailing with the first band of misfits you come across. It is also quite affordable at just under $30 a bottle and is packaged very nicely. Pyrat XO is a little harder to find than Captain Morgan’s but any reputable liquor store should stock it. Serve this rum at your next get together and your guest will think you are a true rum connoisseur and are shelling out top dollar. Now should you decide you want to try a top dollar for rum then look no further then Pyrat Cask 23. This rum is so good that Blackbeard himself would have emptied out the gold in his treasure chest to make room for this beauty. The rum is arguably the most smooth of not just rum but perhaps any liquors I have had the pleasure of drinking. Pyrat Cask 23 is blended from some of the finest rums known to the world and is presented in a hand blown glass bottle and comes with its own cedar chest which you will need because at just over $300 dollars a bottle you will wont to bury in your backyard. Planters Gold by far leads the pack in rum quality and I highly recommend the XO Reserve giving my full pirate approval.

The following rums are ones that won’t let down and are sure to please even the most salty of pirates. Jack Tar Superior is a very noble choice for any rum drinker, but beware it is definitely rum and you wont find anything fruity are sweet here, just plain old good quality rum. Barbancourt makes some very fine amber rum available in an 8 year variety and 15 year variety. Another very affordable and popular rum is Appleton V/X. This rum is greatly priced and much suited for the everyday drinker who has to balance quality and taste. At under $30 a bottle and a rating of 88 out 100 this is an excellent choice. The selection is endless and with luck and a little exploration any can discover a great tasting treasure.

For lack of time and mostly for the fact my bottle is about empty I will run through a few rums best to stay clear of. Monarch and Bacardi rum are to only be purchased in pure desperation and I recommend using the cheapest soda around to mix with and don’t even bother with ice. Sailor Jerry offers a Captain Morgan like rum that lacks a little in flavor and taste, but it is decent with a splash of cola and is quite affordable. A tricky rum is Mount Gay Sugar Cane Rum; while I believe it to taste more of the gasoline sort,others I know have found it quite enjoyable, either way use extreme caution. Mount Gay does offer very good rum with Mount Gay Extra Old but it almost always has to be purchased via the internet or special ordered. In general anything that is under $20 and is not marked with theof Captain Morgan is definitely a drink at your own risk.

Smooth sailing and following winds for ya and always remember to have ample supply of the finest rum, because you never know what island you might find yourself on.