Teenage Beauty—Inside & Out

I was recently speaking with one of my son’s friends. She is a beautiful teenager who has everything going for her. The longer we spoke, the more she complained about herself … my hair isn’t as pretty as the other girls, I’m too short, I still have braces, etc. I was shocked to learn of the negative self image she had.

I have known this girl for many years, so I see beyond the physical. She absolutely is beautiful on the outside, but she is equally as beautiful on the inside. Her heart is pure, she adores her family, she loves her friends and she always has a smile for everyone.

How do great teenagers like this end up feeling so bad about themselves? I think our society places too much emphasis on outer beauty. Just pick up any fashion magazine and look at the models. Do people really look like that? The flawless skin, the perfect figure, etc. I think all of my friends and family are beautiful, but none of them looks like the women in the magazines. How can we expect young girls to feel good about themselves if this is what they are compared to?

Many teenage girls are completely obsessed with the way they look, which can lead to eating disorders, surgical procedures, skin and hair treatments, you name it. Anyone who feels they do not have the perfect hair, the perfect body or the perfect clothes can easily fall into a pattern of low self-esteem. As adults, it’s our job to try to prevent this from happening.

We were all teenagers once, and I certainly wouldn’t want to go back to that time. Teens today have it even worse. With social media, gossip is at an all time high, and unflattering photos and stories can circulate around an entire school in a matter of minutes. However, there are some things parents and other adults can do to boost self-esteem for these fragile young people.

• · Family – It’s important that teens feel their home is a place of refuge. Parents should encourage their children and praise them for jobs well done. We all like to know someone is proud of us, and this is especially true for teenagers. Parents also need to remember to teach by example. Don’t say disparaging things about others, and your child will be less likely to do so. Don’t constantly complain about your appearance, and your teen will be less likely to do the same thing.
• · School – Teachers and administrators spend a lot of time with our children. They can help ensure that “cliques” don’t form and exclude other students. They can also keep an eye out for bulling, which can definitely wreak havoc on one’s self esteem. Teachers can set a great example of treating everyone equally despite what clothes they are wearing or how their hair is fixed. Teachers also have a terrific opportunity to offer praise for non-appearance related accomplishments.
• ·. There is no better way to feel good about yourself than by doing something to help someone else. Volunteering with your child also shows that you place importance on helping others, regardless of what they may look like.

Now, back to my son’s friend. I wanted to tell her that the things she thinks are so important at 15 won’t matter very much when she’s older. I refrain because I know I wouldn’t have wanted to hear something like that when I was her age. Instead, I point out all the wonderful traits she has. She’s a talented artist, she’s a great student, she has loyal friends and is one in return. I also tell her how beautiful she is and mention how many people love her … just the way she is.