Submitting Satire: A Look at The Wittenburg Door

Since 1986, Robert Darden has served as Senior Editor of The Wittenburg Door, the world’s oldest, largest and only religious satire magazine. The Wittenburg Door defines its mission as “using humor and satire to hold a mirror before all religious targets, all denominations, all faiths, all individuals – in short, anybody or anything that misuses or misapplies a religious faith for personal gain.”

No topic is deemed too sacred or too controversial for this feisty magazine to tackle. Targets have included Dr. James Dobson, Kenneth Copeland, George Bush, the Clintons and even Joel Osteen.

Darden has a standard rejection letter, which lists the main things that are wrong are ninety-nine percent of the articles that he receives. This letter states that this submission did not meet this criteria but adds that the writer may wish to try some other market. He suggests that aspiring writers study any humor magazine in-depth, so they are aware of the publication’s particular comedic slant.

As an editor and writer, Darden believes that one of his main jobs is to repeat to himself the physicians’ creed “First Do No Harm.” He adds that many writers fail to publish their material in part because they were discouraged by someone who had no business discouraging them.

If there is even a modicum of spark and the writer shows any ability to write DOOR styled humor, Darden writes a personal note back. “I know this is an extra hassle,” he says. “However, I feel that this may be a potential writer’s only brush with publishing. Therefore, they deserve to have their article published and their name mentioned. It only takes an extra thirty seconds to be nice.”

While the publisher makes the final decision regarding the magazine’s content, if Darden accepts the article, he will champion it when he takes it to the editorial board meetings. Payment and author’s copies are sent within a couple of weeks after publication.

The Wittenburg Door works best when it is satirizes current religious events or newsmakers. Potential writers should be on the lookout for anything church or faith-related that is in the news headlines. However, as the magazine is published bi-monthly the material cannot be so topical that it will cease to be of interest by the time the article is published.

Also, The Wittenburg Door is a religious, jargon-free zone. This means that articles need to be funny to someone with only a vague, nodding acquaintance with religion in general and to a Born Again/Sunday School/Training Union/Bible Sword Drill/Youth Choir/Southern Baptist Deacon.

According to Mr. Darden, if The Wittenburg Door is doing its job correctly, they should expect shouting and name calling, subscribers indignantly canceling their subscriptions, lawsuits being threatened and the secular media doing stories on the magazine. And occasionally, someone will say, “Hey! The Wittenburg Door is right! The Emperor really DOESN’T have any clothes on!”

The vast majority of submissions sent to this editor are inappropriate for The Wittenburg Door. Either the prospective writer fails to make him laugh or does not adhere to the magazine’s mission. “We are more like National Lampoon than Guideposts. Very few writers seem to realize this,” he states. Darden adds that prospective DOOR writers should read at least a year of back issues to get a feel for the magazine’s unique editorial slant.

Also, Darden rejects about five percent of submissions that are sent to him because the manuscript is still in draft form. “Writers need to read their piece seriously four times with some delay between each reading,” he notes. “When your piece is as short as it can get and you cannot find anything else to cut, that is when you send it in.”

Along those lines, he continues to be mystified when he asks a writer to re-write a submission and they feel this request is do demanding, so they never re-submit their material. “I have asked for certain pieces to be edited up to three times before they were ready for submission,” this editor says. “I only ask for revisions if I like the piece and it has a good change of getting published. However, this particular article needs to be tightened because it is not of DOOR quality.”

THIS EDITOR NEEDS: Short humor that are genuinely funny. Preferably laugh-out-loud funny. But I will take snicker-into-your-hand funny. Nothing’s off-limits. Short Top 10 lists are always popular, as are wickedly funny mock ads.

DON’T SUBMIT: First-person essays that are only mildly amusing. We’ve about banned them. Also, I get too many re-written sermons.

However, in the writer’s guidelines, there’s a line that says, “If your piece if funny enough, forget all the above instructions.”

Reference:

• www.wittenburgdoor.com