Oppositional Defiant Disorder: My Personal Experience as a Parent

I am the mother of an ADHD adolescent child. As a parent, I have found it has become increasingly more difficult to discuss even the simplest of issues with my son. Struggling with even the most day to day issues can be challenging although what I’ve learned, as a parent, is that children with oppositional defiant behavior are very consistent in their behavior; a relief to me as a parent as I reach out to other parents in an effort to understand my son’s attitude towards life.

Oppositional Defiant Disorder is very common among children and teenagers who also struggle with ADHD. With my son, for example, the two behavior disorders are so intertwined that his behavior can often be described as frightening. Initially diagnosed with ADHD, he was later diagnosed with Oppositional Defiant Disorder when he exhibited the common traits associated with the condition; expressions of anger, inability to accept and follow direction from persons of authority, blames others for his mistakes and wrongdoings and even appears angry most times for no apparent reason. While this may, at face value, appear to describe most hormonally enraged teenagers, Oppositional Defiant Disorder is one in which this behavior is a constant and every day occurrence.

Through child counseling and child therapy, I’ve learned my son has basically little hope for improvement. In fact, statistically, individuals who are oppositional are best known for their ability to challenge every aspect of conduct in their lives. Because the mental capacity is such that they hold the victory to every battle, there is little that can be done to reprimand an oppositional defiant person in hopes of reversing the behavior.

In addition to victory, oppositional defiant children often express great interest in being treated fairly. In fact, statistics have shown that most Oppositional Defiant children will consistently express their concerns about how the world is unfair to them. While we all know that live is not fair, the oppositional defiant child will expect everyone to treat them with respect and fairness, regardless of how the treat or reciprocate the treatment.

With medication management, many children, today, are treating for ADHD and oppositional defiance with success. Interesting enough, the medication, ultimately, will improve neither the ADHD nor the oppositional defiance in the long term and, instead, only serve to band-aid the symptoms to some extent. Through many sessions of child therapy, family therapy and even therapy to try and assist me with the daily coping mechanisms, I have still found some days to be extremely difficult to face.

My biggest concern for my son lies in the fear that he will never grow to understand what it means to be loved and to love, unconditionally, in return. He will never feel those emotions as they are intended to be felt. As a parent, I am unsure as to what support I can offer him in hopes of changing the long term impact these mental health disorders have had on his life.