Moaning Myrtle is Working for Voldemort

Despite seven books and over five hundred thousand words, J.K. Rowling didn’t have space to tell us everything. She left a very important side story to the wayside. It’s something you will only see if you look very closely between the lines. I didn’t catch it until my one hundredth and fifth time reading through the series. You see I’ve cracked the code and discovered the secret of all secrets. Moaning Myrtle was actually in league with Voldemort the entire time.

It took me many painstaking hours to finally see it. You see, Myrtle was in the bathroom crying before she died. When she looked into those yellow eyes, she didn’t die as you might think. It wasn’t the basilisk that killed her, but rather Tom Riddle’s smoking hotness. She simply forgot to breath and died. Later, as a ghost, she decided to stalk Riddle. This is the real reason Voldemort hates everyone. Try having a weeping, whiney girl with a high pitched voice following you around constantly your sixth and seventh year of Hogwarts. You might decide to commit a few homicides and then try to take over the world with ultra, insane, maniacal methods as well. Such is the stress Myrtle causes. Anyone would pop with el angsto following them around. It’s not like she can take a hint when you want her to leave.

When Riddle left Hogwarts, poor Myrtle was grief stricken. That’s why she cries constantly. She just told Harry and his friends she cried because people made fun of her to avoid telling them the truth. It was less embarrassing than admitting an infatuation with a dark lord who is bent on taking over the world and that she is partly responsible for his cruel ways because she followed him around enough to drive any poor, evil overlord loony. Would you admit you cry because you are responsible for creating the most evil wizard alive? No, you wouldn’t. No one would.

Since Myrtle was confined to Hogwarts for the duration of her afterlife, she could no longer see Voldemort after he left. She was saddened but gained hope on the fateful day that Harry and Ron wandered into the girl’s bathroom. Once she realized who he was-that he was Harry Potter, the dreaded boy that turned her love into less than a ghost and left him to wander the wilds of Africa- when he came into that bathroom she knew what she must do. She must annoy this “hero” the best she could. Perhaps if she were annoying enough, he would go as insane as she had accidentally done to the beautiful Riddle. Thus was her reasoning and why she is such an insufferable whiner. It’s all a ruse to make Harry pop his cookies. Thankfully for all the wizarding world she failed.

So you might be thinking why didn’t she stalk Harry more? She only did a half hearted job if she was trying to drive Potter mad. Well, she was very busy mourning the separation between her and Voldemort, so she could only annoy Harry between bouts of very deep depression.

That is my theory in which I believe very strongly. I have a very loyal following composed of my two hamsters, Jake and Snickerby, and they really think I’m onto something. By the way, there’s also evidence that Snape had a fling with a centaur in his teenage years, and that Lupin has a thing for Ginny Weasly but was always too shy to admit it. Oh, and one last thing, Blaise Zabini is really a hermaphrodite.