Lord, Save Me from Your Followers

I am a Christian. Well, technically. I believe in God, and I believe Jesus died for my sins. So, unfortunately, I have to accept the same title as a group of people who make my eyes roll at their every mention.

You see, for me, my spiritual beliefs are very personal. I don’t care to share them with the world. Indeed, being questioned about “my relationship with the Lord” feels just as invasive to me as being questioned about “my life behind the bedroom doors”. So, when I’m walking down the street and a group of self-righteous (and completely unapproachable) evangelicals holler out from their hijacked city street corner “Do you know Jesus? Has your soul been saved?” I feel they are certainly deserving of a fair reprimand — the same they’d receive if they asked a female passerby what color underwear she was wearing. Harassment, whether it be spiritual or sexual, is not acceptable behavior –especially for people who’s self-proclaimed title translates to “Christ-like”.

These would-be disciples ought to learn a thing or two about respecting other people’s privacy and dignity. Perhaps they should start discipling within their own families and circle of friends –within the privacy of someplace far removed from a public street corner — and work from there.

And then there’s the “pamphlet-pushers”. Although these people don’t accost the public nearly as verbally as the aforementioned offenders, they do make it a point break the personal bubbles of everyone who walks their way. Without even confirming a pedestrian’s interest, they shove their pamphlet-in-fist directly into your immediate path, forcing you to either accept the unwanted “gift”, or change your course to one outside their reach. Furthermore, the pamphlets (at least everyone one of the dozens I’ve been handed) do their best to scare the timid accepter of the circular into accepting Christ through comic-book style drawings of “Fire & Brimstone”. So, not only are they violating my personal space to hand me a miniature comic-style manifestation of their scare (read “terror”) tactics, they are doing so unnecessarily, for I’ve already accepted Jesus!

How do most people deal with Pamphlet-Pushers? I know because I watched: They either ignore them –turning their head away, scrunching up their shoulders and hunching over slightly; they avoid them entirely, by crossing to the other side of street ahead of time (just as they would avoid a panhandler); they accept the booklet form the pusher with a false smile, only to discard it in a trash can once beyond the sight of the pusher; or they actually read the thing and laugh. Pamphlet-pushing doesn’t work. Please stop violating our space and privacy by trying to push Jesus-Pamphlets in the same fashion that “Escort Advertisers” push “working ladies’ business cards” in the streets of Las Vegas. Just put your pamphlets on a rack and let interested people take them at their leisure.

In closure, let us pray:

“God, I know you are awesome, and I love you. But your followers are driving me nuts. Please teach them some gentler, more sophisticated, and tactful approaches to spread the ‘Good News’, and teach them that it’s not okay to harass people and violate their space. Lord, save me from your followers. Amen.”