How to Handle a Manipulative Mother

Mother’s Day is around the corner, and hopefully the moms in your life are just wonderful. Some people are not so lucky. Many moms are master manipulators who drive their children insane with their needling and demands. No matter how much you may love your mom, if she is a manipulator, things are bound to be difficult. Here are some tips on how to handle a manipulative mother.

Recognize the behavior

George K. Simon, author of “In Sheep’s Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People”, gives a list of manipulative behaviors from lying and selective listening to guilt-tripping and playing the victim. If you’ve ever been manipulated, you will probably recognize many of the behaviors on his list. The one thing every behavior has in common is that it works to the benefit of the manipulator. If their tactics did not work, they wouldn’t keep using them. Read up on manipulative behavior so that you will recognize it as soon as you see it.

Stop rewarding the behavior

If you are a grown man with a wife and a couple of kids, and your mother makes posts on your Facebook page asking you to send her money instead of spending it on yourself or your family, you are dealing with a manipulator. If she complains that you are going on vacation instead of spending your days off with her, she is definitely a manipulative mother. If you postpone your vacation and send your mom a check, you are rewarding her behavior. Why would she stop doing these things if they get her what she wants?

Set down firm boundaries

If you are a grown woman whose mother enters your house without knocking first, or who posts pictures of your children online without your permission even though she has been told to stop, you are dealing with a manipulator. She heard you say no, but she chooses not to listen. You must set firm boundaries and stick to them, or be prepared to cut off access to the photos and your front door key.

Ignore the tears

Manipulative mothers are the worst for bringing forth the alligator tears to get what they want. When you finally try to set boundaries and cut off the rewards, they will pull out the emotional blackmail to keep you in line. Be strong and ignore the tears.

I actually had to unfriend a high school classmate a few months ago because I got so tired of watching her manipulate her children through Facebook. She got so bad that when her grown daughter decided to spend a holiday with her own family rather than come home to her mother’s, her mom actually posted about being so depressed she thought she might be suicidal. Of course, the daughter came running home and it was just the best holiday ever, according to her mother. I wanted to be sick, but the only thing I could do was remove myself from the audience of the pathetic drama. Hopefully, the daughter will one day learn to handle her manipulative mom, before she goes crazy from the guilt piled on her head.

More from Tavia:

What Homeschooling Moms Want for Mother’s Day
Whose Day is Mother’s Day?
Best Mother’s Day Ever