Hiow to Write a Classification Essay

How do you write a classification essay? Easy – just use each paragraph to classify a type of person or event. Note the classification essay sample below and how it classifies, in each paragraph, a different type of shopper.

Sample Classification Essay

As you try to check out of the grocery store, you scan the lines to find the quickest line. And as you scan you look for different people you do not want to stand behind.

The first rule is never stand behind anyone over seventy. They will write a check, not understanding that it is the 21st century and debit cards have been invented. If they pay in cash, it will take them forever to dig the wallet out of their purse, open the wallet, count the dollar bills and then – just when you think the end is in sight – they will start digging through their coin purse for the exact change. This could take up to five minutes as they continue to dig, oblivious to anyone standing behind them. Meanwhile you resist the urge to say – “Here lady, here are the extra six cents – now get out of here.”

The second person to avoid is the coupon lady. She can be any age, but they all have the same personality. They are convinced that coupons are God’s gift from heaven and spend their weekends, eagerly awaiting fro the Sunday paper, so they can cut out every coupon. They will bring a stack of them to the grocery store and fall into two types. You have the professional coupon keeper, who actually has bough a small file case with her and has the coupons neatly filed under headings that I don’t even want to imagine. Then you have the totally disorganized coupon keeper who has stuffed all the coupons in her purse and who will search frantically for them as her groceries are being totaled up. Whatever system, they use, you c an be guaranteed that they will hold up the line for several minutes as they throw their coupons at the cashier. My favorite line is, only after all the groceries are totaled up, do they say, “Oh wait, I have a coupon for that.”

The shopper that gets me every time is the smoker. They look normal and most times it is a man. They look just like the person you want to stand behind in line. They have a limited amount of items, will most likely pay with a debit card and BOOM- they are out of there. No such luck Bucko. You resist the urge to strangle them as they say -“Oh yes and a pack of cigarettes”. The clerk will scan the cigarette rack for the right kind, then it will be the wrong kind, because it is not menthol or not in a soft pack or not long or short enough. This “let’s find the right cigarette pack” exercise takes another good five minutes.

Of course there is the price checker who is convinced that every clerk is really a criminal at heart and is out to overcharge them. Much like the cigarette smoker, these shoppers can appear normal and look like a good bet to stand behind. Oh no – welcome to hell. They question the price of at least three items, demand at least two price checks and after they have taken up WAY too much time, they will still stand in the lane carefully scanning the receipt to see what the clerk has tried to sneak by them.

Finally there is the person who cannot read or count. There is a reason that they have checkout lanes that say 20 items or less. That is so – and it is all about me- that is so I can escape this shopping hell -go home and do something important, like watch TV and eat snacks high in salt and fats. Anyway, the people who can’t read or can’t count or who think they are just special, pile at least thirty items on the check out counter and look around to see us all staring at them. Just once, I would like to her a clerk say, ” I am so sorry, you must go to another line.” Then again I would like to see the Cubs win the World Series and that is not going to happen either.

Anyway, there is a fine art in picking the right checkout line, but no matter how carefully you scan the shoppers, it always boils down to one of the main rules of shopping. The other line always moves faster.