Categories: Parenting

Guide to Disciplining a Stubborn Toddler

It was once a good thing when someone said your child was “spirited.” Now that your once, angelic baby, has grown into a stubborn toddler, it can take everything you have not to put your face into a pillow and scream. Before you call the birthing center to see if they can take him back, consider some effective forms of discipline. How do you get your strong-willed toddler to accept your terms once you’ve laid down the law? Forget about the power struggle (that’s what he wants), and try new approaches of discipline.

Express Feelings

Stubbornness is often a habit in children who find that crying, shouting, and carrying on results in getting the things they want. While most toddlers have a natural tendency to be stubborn at times, there may be an underlying problem. Encourage your cantankerous tot to express how he’s feeling instead of holding it all in. Understanding your child’s specific temperament can also help parents stray away from situations that could cause stubbornness to flare. If you’ve encountered your toddler, red-faced and wailing, refusing to sit in his high chair or covering his ears when mom says “no!” for the tenth time, you may be dealing with a challenging temperament. When these frustrating situations arise, get down to your tot’s level and ask: “Why is sitting in the high chair upsetting you?” Instead of starting a battle with your toddler that you’re not going to win, negotiate. For example, say: “If you don’t want to sit in the high chair, how about you sit in your booster seat at the table.

Focus on the Positive

It can be hard to look at the positive side of things when junior is coloring on the walls with the peanut butter from his PP&J;, but it’s important to not label your kid as “stubborn” or “bad.” Toddlers respond better to positive reinforcement. For example, saying: “I see that you’ve finally put your plate in the sink without me having to tell you for the third time this week” can be a bit discouraging. Instead, turn the negative into a positive by saying: “I appreciate you putting your plate into the sink.” Praise and rewards are ideal reminders to help keep stubborn toddlers in check with their attitude and behavior.

Enforce Punishment

Consistency is key when it comes to disciplining a stubborn toddler. If one day you discipline by putting your rambunctious tot into his bedroom for five minutes, the next day you make him sit in the corner for time out, and the next day you walk away with your head hung down in frustration, you’re sending mixed messages. It can be tempting to send your little one off to dad for punishment – “Just wait until your father gets home!” – But dealing with these situations of stubbornness yourself is much more satisfying. Decide on the proper punishment for the crime and stick with it. When disciplining a toddler, keep criticism at a minimum. Be sure to shower your little tyrant with plenty of love and affection when his punishment is over.

Set Punishments

Discipline should be determined according to the specific situation. Toddlers are naturally curious, and may touch mommy’s jewelry or electronics out of pure temptation. Since you can’t keep your wild child confined to a padded jail cell (even though it’s tempting sometimes!) it’s best to keep these items out of reach from little hands. For more problematic situations, such as your biting, kicking, or hitting, a timeout is age-appropriate for toddlers. Have a designated area for your stubborn toddler to go and cool down – just a minute or two is efficient. Remember that your toddler is a reflection of the adults around him, so become a good role model. Even when you hear: “I don’t care what you say, you’re not the boss of me!” from your headstrong tot, stay calm, consistent, and carry on with appropriate discipline.

References:

Healthy Children: How to Understand Your Child’s Temperament