Funny Gifts for Retirees

Retirement. Ahh, that word is music to the ears of those who are embarking on it. You may have been invited to a friend, family member, or co-worker’s retirement party. Now what kind of gift do you bring? Following are ten funny gifts that a new retiree might get a laugh from. Choose one, or all ten, to give!

1. Office Sign
Available from retirementpartysupplies.com, this office sign humorously looks at the “office hours” of a retiree.
It says, in part, “OPEN most days around 9 or 10. Occasionally as early as 7, but SOMEDAYS as late as 12 or 1.” The sign is red and white. Perfect for those on a budget, as it is priced at just $4.99.

2. Parking Permit
You will find a variety of Retired “parking permit” signs on the Internet. I chose this one from Amazon. Like the office sign, the parking permit is very budget-friendly. You can purchase it for under five dollars.

3. Fire Extinguisher
If the retiring person is a woman, and a close friend of family member, this makes a hilarious gift! It is a pink “fire extinguisher” that says it is for putting out hot flashes! Again, this retirement gag gift is available on Amazon.com for less than ten dollars.

4. Street Sign/Wall Sign
I ‘m retired, but I work part-time as a pain in the butt.” This sign from RetirementGiftShop.com is metal, black and white, and has a hole at top so you can easily hang it on a wall. Perfect for a retiring boss! Purchase for $9.95.

5. Door Mat
Wellhaven features gifts for “Seniors and Boomers.” This doormat is one of their greatest! It says “Welcome to our Retirement Home.” Fine print beneath that reads, “Twice as much husband, half as much pay.” You could use this as a gift to the wife of a retiring man, or give the doormat to the actual male retiree. Cost is $18.99.

6. Retired Sash
I love this one! Also from Wellhaven, you can purchase a red sash that says “Retired.” It would be fun to give your retiring friend this gift before his or her party so that they could wear it during!

7. Under New Management Mug
Wellhaven knocks it out of the park again with their comical gag gift coffee mug. White with bright print, it reads “Retired, under new management.” Then it adds “See spouse for details.” A great gift for a married man or woman retiring.

These last three retirement gag gift ideas are from homemade-gifts-made-easy.com.
8. Super Hard Puzzle
I know everyone in my family would find this hilarious! Here are the directions from the website: “I figured that puzzle-solving would be a fun activity for you now that you’ll have all this spare time. The guy in the store assured me that this expert jigsaw puzzle is guaranteed to keep you busy for hours and hours. Actual present is a bag of sawdust. Make sure you wrap it to look like a real puzzle.

9. Business Cards
You have to go to the website to see what they came up with! These business cards are so clever. You print them up for your friend and attach a note that says, “”Now that you’re retired, it’s important to maintain your professional image and update your business cards. So, I took the liberty of making you some new ones.” The cards have the person’s name on them. Instead of phone numbers and emails, they say “Gone fishing, or maybe golfing…”

10. Decision Dice
Finally, a great gag gift for a retiree is a dice to help them make decisions as to how to spend all their new-found free time. You can print a template from homemade-gifts-made-easy.com and just assemble yourself. Some of the choices are “Take a nap,” “Look for missing spectacles,” and “Go Fishing.”

Arm yourself with a few of these gag gifts and get ready for a fun send-off for your retiring friend!